


Chamber Music

by Chianine



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alien Puberty Issues, Angst, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Nonconsensual Sexual Healing, Dubious Consent, Fluff, Frottage, Guilt, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Odin's A+ Parenting, Pseudo-Incest, Purring!Loki, Weird Biology
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-10
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2018-01-01 01:25:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1038678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chianine/pseuds/Chianine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor is the only one who can make Loki purr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

For as long as he could remember, Thor had been Loki's one and only intimate.

It was Frigga's insistence that it be so; she wanted Loki's entire dependence to be wrapped up in one being, someone powerful and incorruptible, someone sensitive yet decisive and responsible. And most important, someone who would love Loki no matter what the future held. Thor knew he had failed to live up to all but one of these expectations, and because of his weakness he had allowed his brother's fall. But even after everything that happened- the fateful trip to Jotunheim, Thor's banishment, and the shameful events in Midgard, his mother still claimed she didn't regret her decision. 

Then again, there were a few things she didn't know about Thor and Loki.

* * *

When Odin had brought home the Jotun infant, Frigga realized that she couldn't expect to raise him the same as her Aesir son. She immediately sought out everything she could get her hands on about the people of Jotunheim. The most important issue she had uncovered was that of bonding through physical touch. 

The harsh climate of Jotunheim had favored those who held their loved ones near to them and shared warmth. Some individuals were born with a strange mutation that caused them purr like a feline under the loving caresses of their families and mates. Those with the mutation had a better rate of survival, as the sound and warmth the anomaly produced made them desirable companions. After generations, the adaptation of purring became widespread.

Frigga discovered that this purring practically dominated the interpersonal lives and social structure of the Jotun people. In the lifetime of an individual, only one or two intimates are chosen or selected to bond with. This is necessary because the rapturous and vulnerable state that Jotuns fall into when they are being caressed requires that their partners be those they can trust. The pleasure they feel when they are made to purr is so overwhelming that they can become completely unaware of their surroundings, or anything beyond the affection they are receiving at the moment. Alternately, if an individual does not receive these attentions regularly, they can become emotionally unstable, depressed, or insane. Also, individuals suffer when a mate is lost and rarely find satisfying replacements. In Jotunheim, arranged marriages were common practice as they allowed children to begin bonding to their lifemates while still young. These bonds are so strong that the death of a partner, also called an intimate, is often followed by the death of the one left behind, either through loneliness, madness, or suicide. 

How could Frigga ensure the emotional health of her adopted son? Of course she herself would hold the infant to her chest and stroke his back and hair, cherishing his very first little rumblings. But she could not expect to be there for her son all of his life, and couldn't predict what kind of mate would be appropriate for him to share his life with. Arranging an early marriage was therefore out of the question. She also had to face the harsh reality that his heritage and strange biological needs might not be acceptable to most of the Aesir. Even Odin seemed somewhat disturbed by the vibrating baby he rarely held to his heart as readily as he did his older son.

But Thor was a child who had not yet been indoctrinated into Asgardian prejudices, and to him his baby brother was nothing short of a treasure. She hoped that raising Thor to be Loki's intimate from an early age would encourage him to cultivate the sensitive, nurturing personal traits she often found lacking in Asgard's warriors. Loki would grow up secure in his brother's love and devotion, never feeling like an outsider or a monster. Since it was already apparent that Odin would be sparing with his love for Loki, she wanted there to be a strong male figure that could replace his affection in her younger son's life.

Odin had not been happy about Frigga's decision. He believed that through enchantments he could cure the Jotun child of his purring just as he had cured him of his natural appearance. Frigga had balked at this suggestion, refusing to believe that Loki could be stripped of such an essential part of his nature without there being serious negative results. She explained that for a Jotun to be robbed of his capacity to bond would be like robbing of him of his ability to hear or to see.

Thor had needed little encouragement in his new responsibilities. He was happy to learn that Loki would share his bed and chamber with Thor when he got too big for his crib. Until then he could rock the baby before bed at night and hold him during his afternoon nap. During the day he would sword-fight and wrestle with his playmates, always keeping an hear open to the toll of the big clock that alerted him to the appointed time for his duties. Then he would sprint across the palace to the nursery to take the little baby in his arms, holding him for as long as he would stay asleep. Thor took a great pride in his special job, singing to him and softly petting his back. He loved the warm and purring little bundle so much that Frigga had to occasionally remind Thor not to hold him too tightly.

When he understood how fragile the little life was he became more gentle but also fiercely protective, even jealous. Sif, who had a kitten of her own at home, was curious about the purring infant and asked Thor if she could try holding the baby. Thor, seated in the rocking chair with both arms securely wrapping his little brother, had sharply refused, saying that only he was allowed to hold the tiny prince. Frigga had overheard his words and was tempted to correct his rudeness. In the end she decided not to discourage his possessive love, and Sif had to resign herself to watching Thor rock Loki from her spot on the floor until it was time for them to go and play again.

Thor's concern for his little brother grew beyond anyone's expectations. One night, Frigga had been roused from her sleep by Loki's screams to find her older son already running into the nursery before her. His face was full of terror and he began insisting that Loki was having nightmares because he was afraid without Thor there to watch over him. Frigga could only get him to return to his bed by promising him that the crib could be moved to his chamber the next morning.

Even with Thor near him while he slept, Loki began having trouble sleeping through the night. He became fussy during the day as well, and the only time he was ever peaceful at all was in the arms of his brother. It was clear the bond was taking well, but Frigga still feared for him as his temperament grew worse and worse. She also noticed that though he would settle in Thor's arms, he would no longer purr as he did before. Desperate, she knew she had to seek help from someone who understood these things first-hand. Without Odin's permission, she visited the dungeons to speak to the Jotun prisoners that had been brought to Asgard after the war. 

It terrified her to see them languishing in chains, suffering and angry, despised by the guards who would watch over them until their deaths. She was reminded of her son's precarious position, and the challenges he would face in his life when he understood what it meant to be a Jotun in Asgard. She asked them for their help without revealing the identity of her son, unsure how they would react to hearing that one of their kind was being raised as the son of their enemy. She told them simply that she was a nursemaid in charge of a child born into another one of Odin's prisons.

She was surprised by their willingness to help. They explained that as the child grows, his nerves develop and his intimate will have to become more attentive to his preferences. Every individual is unique, and only through experimentation do Jotuns learn how they prefer to be stroked and worked upon. What was certain was that the child must be brought to purring, the more the better, or he would surely become ill and perish. The prisoners also attempted to explain the way he would develop as time went on, the enraptured state he would start falling into as he became a boy, and from there what changes to expect as he became a young man. Frigga though, could barely focus on their advice after they warned her of Loki's immediate peril, and she excused herself before they had finished.

She returned to the nursery and took the wailing baby out of his crib. Placing him in Thor's arms, she urged him to soothe Loki as one would a kitten. He could sense his mother's fear and held Loki tightly to his chest, closing his eyes and imagining that his life and his strength could somehow flow into his little brother. He focused all of his mind on transferring his strength to the weak little baby that he loved so dearly, rubbing his hands over Loki's back and fine black hair. He sang his favorite nursery song, and hugged him as tight as he could, knowing in his heart that he had to show Loki how much he loved him, how important it was for him get better. He knew that Loki could understand him, and he tried to tell his brother that he had to get strong, tried to tell him that he knew he was tired of being a baby stuck in the nursery all day, but that he had to get strong and purr again and if he would do that, then Thor promised that he would never leave him alone again, that he would share all his toys with him, and play any game he wanted, forever.

Thor concentrated all his energy on the baby in his arms, gently massaging the chubby little limbs and nuzzling him. Eventually, Thor recognized the rising warmth, and almost jumped right out of the rocking chair when he felt Loki purring again. Frigga almost cried she was so relieved, but calmed herself and Thor as he continued to rock healthy, purring baby boy. He stayed up all that night, forcing himself to stay awake as he kept Loki in his arms, and Frigga could do nothing to make him give up his charge. Finally, with the morning sun coming in through the windows, she plucked the baby from his arms and carried his brother to his own bed.

It was soon after this night that Loki was deemed ready to leave his crib and join Thor in his bed. Thor was thrilled. To him it was like a reward for helping Loki through his mysterious illness. He took even more responsibility or his brother at this time, always wanting to be aware of Loki's whereabouts and even becoming suspicious of his mother or the nursemaid's methods of caring for him. He truly felt that he was the best one to look after his little brother, that he could understand his needs when no one else could. He also kept the promise he had made in exchange for Loki's recovery, and spent much of his day playing with the baby in the nursery, teaching him his colors and his shapes, and bringing him new toys from among his own possessions. Thor had witnessed his little brother's very first steps and had been the one to alert his mother. Frigga would never forget when she heard his excited cries echoing through the palace for her to come to the nursery. She had ran wildly, panicked that something awful had happened only to find Thor carefully guiding the toddler across the floor. 

Once Loki was walking and free to wander beyond the nursery, Thor began bringing him to spend time with his own playmates. Hogun, Fandral, and Volstagg were wary of the dark-haired and purring little side-kick at first, but any attempts to either tease him or exclude him were quickly corrected by a sharp kick to the shin from his older brother. In the presence of the older children and their games, Loki grew desperate to express himself as they did. Like his first steps, his first words came early, no doubt encouraged by the attention of his older brother. Thor couldn't have been more pleased. Now he didn't have to read the baby's mind anymore!

More than any of his other friends, Sif took to the group's new little addition. She was the youngest of many siblings, all boys, and loved the opportunity to nurture and teach a younger person. Also, they shared an interest in games that included things other than war. Often, when the the other boys were fighting invisible monsters and staging large battles, Sif and Loki would retreat to their own corner of the playroom for their favorite game, in which Loki played the tragic princess that takes her own life when she finds out her lover is killed, and Sif would play the charming prince who finds her dead body and brings her back to life with magic. One day, after eaves-dropping on part of their little performance, Thor interrupted it, announcing that there was no way his brother was going be permitted to play such a girly part, and that Sif should be ashamed as well for playing at such ergi things as magic. Both of them had balked, insisting that magic was great and at least as much fun as wooden swords. Thor had demanded that Loki rise from his makeshift-toybox-coffin and join him in the battle against the two-headed snake that was apparently being slaughtered at the other end of the playroom, but Loki had refused. It was a blow to Thor; Loki had never refused him anything before.

“Fine! I'll leave you two girly-girls to your _ergi_ little games! See if I care!” But he did not rejoin the other little warriors in their attack on the snake because he had to run out of the playroom and into the garden before anybody could see him crying. 

He let go of his emotions under a great tree. His heart was breaking. How could Loki prefer Sif to him? How was her game more fun than his? And even if it was the just the game he liked better, why wasn't Thor invited to play? They were supposed to be brothers, and intimates. They should do everything together! Angry, Thor threw his wooden sword and shield into the pond near him. Hmmf! He could think of one little boy who wasn't getting pet that night!

“Thor! What are you doing, dear?” his mother asked, alerted by the splash.

Thor turned away from her so she couldn't see his tears. “Loki doesn't want to be my brother anymore,” he pouted, “and I don't care!”

“Oh,” Frigga approached the little prince, trying not to laugh, “I'm sure that's not true.”

“Yes it is! He wants to play with Sif and do ergi magic things with her instead playing with me!”

“Now Thor,” Frigga sternly replied, “I told you I will not tolerate that word! There is nothing shameful about your brother's interest in magic. Sorcery is as honorable a skill as that of the warrior, and you should encourage him. Maybe one day he will be as fine a mage as your father, or even greater.”

“Father is not a sorcerer!”

“Oh yes he is! And even your own dear mother has been known to dabble in the enchanted arts here and there...”

“What?” Thor was thunderstruck.

Frigga put her hand on Thor's back. “Your brother has you all to himself most of the time. It shouldn't surprise you if he wants to make new friends and play with them from time to time. He's a very clever little boy, and you must learn to accept the fact that other people are going to want his time and attention, and he's going to want to give it to them.”

Thor thought about this. He supposed his mother was right, she always was, but it still didn't make sense. That's not how _he_ felt, he always wanted Loki at his side, and he wished Loki felt the same way.

That night Thor lay scowling in his bed with his arms crossed tightly over his chest. Loki came running over to the bed after washing up, hopping in next to Thor and snuggling up to him. Thor remained as he was, unresponsive even when Loki nuzzled behind his ear and wrapped his arms around his big brother.

“You still mad at me?” Loki asked, breathing in the scent of Thor's hair and neck. He was already so bonded to Thor that his odor was intoxicating to him. “Well, aren't you going to pet me?”

Thor turned and when he saw his brother's big green eyes staring at him, he knew he wasn't going to be able to keep up the act much longer. But he didn't have to make it too easy. “You could at least ask nicely!” he said.

“Please?” Loki asked. 

Thor sighed, as if it was a chore, and unwound his arms from his own body and pulled Loki close. He began his caresses, causing Loki to shudder a few times from the pleasure. He knew that Loki especially liked him to start at the back of his scalp and neck, which made him giggle and shiver until he was covered with goosepimples.

“Thor?” 

What?”

“If you want, tomorrow, you can be the handsome prince that rescues me and Sif. And if you don't like magic, you can bring us back to life with a kiss, like this-” Loki brought his face away from Thor's neck and planted a wet kiss on his lips.

Thor's hand stopped. “You naughty little thing!” he said, “Boys don't kiss each other!”

“They don't? Why not?”

“I don't know why not! They just don't, that's all.”

“Not even brothers?”

“No, especially not brothers!”

“Well, that's stupid.”

Thor thought about this. It was kind of stupid. “I guess, if it's for a game, then it's all right.”

Loki stole another kiss and giggled even while Thor scolded him again. As his hands moved down to Loki's shoulders and back, Thor felt Loki's breathing even out and he fell to purring heavily. After he was sure Loki was asleep, he rested his arms around the warm little body, and thought about what he would say and do in his role as the charming prince the next day until sleep stole over him, too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love comments and criticism. Please feel free to share your thoughts!

In many ways, Loki's purring was like a recurring childhood illness. New developments brought new worries, and Frigga would have every healer in the city visit Loki to shake their heads and give perplexed responses about the prince. The limited information Frigga had gleaned from the libraries was no longer useful, and scholars only understood Jotun biology from autopsies or travel notes made by explorers before the wars. This aspect of their life had always been something sacred to them, these scholars explained, and it was still largely a mystery to outsiders. Frigga remembered the prisoner Jotuns that had been helpful to her in the past, but dared not return to the dungeons in case her husband should hear about it.

Summertime was the worst- the sweating, flush-faced child spent months in a lethargic slump, and his playmates had to work a dead or sleeping princess into every one of their games. It was not difficult to deduce that his body was designed for colder climates, but how he was going to survive in this one was a daily problem. He still had to be stroked regularly, even though that caused his temperature to rise. Swimming became a favorite pastime, and in the cool pond Thor would caress Loki without him becoming overheated. They still insisted on sleeping together every night and engaging their affections before sleep, although they would both be drenched in sweat from the heat Loki generated when he purred. 

During the day, Frigga relied on reports from Thor about how Loki was doing, since Loki himself insisted that he was only tired, but well enough. She permitted him to go about in a tiny loin-cloth and taught Thor how to make a turban filled with crushed ice for Loki to wear on his head. Thor liked this, because it meant that he got to use an ice-pick. It was like a weapon to him and made him feel like a trusted adult. He forbade all the other children from touching it.

The first time Odin caught a glimpse of his youngest son's summerwear he was appalled. No prince of Asgard was going to walk around the palace nearly naked and with a dripping towel wrapped around his head. Frigga expected this, and when she was called before him, she had her explanation ready. Odin countered that if the prince was ill, then he was to be confined to his rooms, not made a spectacle of. He felt that there was already too much fuss being made over the child, and wasn't pleased with the constant flow of visiting healers and scholars that was bringing unwanted attention to the royal family. When Frigga explained that confining Loki would be difficult due to Thor's attachment, Odin decided it was time to expand the elder boy's interests. He was still a bit young, but obviously would benefit from accompanying his father on some diplomatic outings, seeing other worlds, and doing something besides playing nanny to his baby brother.

Thor was thrilled at the news that he would be going to Alfheim for several weeks to witness the coronation of the new king. Afterward, he and his father were invited on a large-game hunt through the mountains. Frigga thought this was an inappropriate activity for both her aging husband and her young son, but Odin would hear none of it. Sif was set to watch over Loki in his brother's absence, and Thor gave her detailed instructions on everything from towel-wrapping to petting. The little warriors were all envious of Thor's upcoming adventure, and Sif was proud that she was selected to look after the prince.

The event was a disaster at home, just as Frigga had feared. Loki became capricious, moody, and cruel to his adoring and attentive keeper. He refused the games he previously enjoyed, insulted her ideas for new ones, and entertained himself by telling her outrageous and scandalous lies about their friends and servants of the palace. He insisted on sneaking into the vault and tricked her into releasing the Destroyer. Sif was punished severely, and their friendship was never the same again. 

Sif's most important function was to replace Thor as a bed-time partner. That had failed utterly. The closer night came on, the more emotional and difficult Loki would become. He broke things and ran away from Sif and his mother to hide in the palace. When he was finally located and carried to his room, he threw incredible tantrums and refused to sleep beside Sif. He would cry and scream through the night, and was found one morning curled into a nest he made himself out of Thor's unwashed clothes.

Thor's adventure was not so unsuccessful. He was proud to be at his father's side and dreamed of his own coronation when he saw the regal prince ascend his throne. The hunt had been a spectacular event that included many honored warriors and royalty from various realms. Thor saw great beasts and majestic scenes he had only read about before in books, and he impressed his father with his enthusiasm and fearless efforts to join the men. Still, Odin was disturbed by the way Thor only seemed to speak of his appreciation for anything by wondering what Loki would say or think when he heard about it. Thor had been keeping what Odin thought was a journal, but when he looked into the little book, saw that is was filled with letters written two or three times daily and all addressed to his brother, detailing everything he had seen and done. Thor spoke so frequently about Loki during the hunt that one warrior finally asked about this lucky little maiden Loki, who had the prince of Asgard so wrapped up in his puppy love that he could hardly focus on his sport. When Odin somberly replied that it was his own brother that he wouldn't shut up about, the entire party had laughed, embarrassing Thor.

Frigga chose to keep most of Loki's misbehavior a secret from Odin. The debacle with the destroyer couldn't be concealed, however, and Loki was put on restriction. It didn't matter. When Thor ran into the playroom and took his brother into his arms after their longest-ever separation it was like theirs were the only two souls in the universe. Thor carried his brother on his back to their room, where they immediately curled up together and fell asleep. Loki purred louder than Frigga had ever heard him before, and they both were so soaked in sweat she had open the windows for air. Although her husband insisted that Thor had the time of his life, she had a feeling that he had slept no better than Loki without his familiar bedmate.

Thor never agreed to another trip with his father without making sure Loki would go as well. Odin couldn't refuse Loki without making himself the enemy of his entire family, so he was always brought along. Thor sensed that their father was displeased by their affections, so he knew to keep it to a minimum in front of him. Thor had also become aware of how unusual his relationship to his brother was by the way his playmates commented on it. He still remembered with shame how the hunter had described it as puppy love, and had learned to keep his hands as well as his thoughts about Loki to himself until they were alone. Even his mother watched out of the corner of her eye when they held hands in the garden or shared fluttering eyelash kisses. Thor didn't believe that there was anything wrong with the way he loved his brother, but he felt that the outside world was a definite threat. Their love was something private, something that had to seem invisible, like magic. If people didn't know it was there, then they wouldn't try to take it away.

Their love was never invisible to their mother, even though she could see that Thor had grown wary of showing it to others. She couldn't help remembering what the scholars had told her about Jotuns being so reserved about sharing their purring and bonding habits when she saw how Thor always looked over his shoulder before picking his brother up or taking him by the hand. But Thor wasn't Jotun and Loki seemed to care little who saw how much he reached out to his brother, even when his hand was gently pushed away. It was society and its prejudices that Thor was beginning to understand and react too, and she feared she had mistakenly encouraged a love that the outside world, or worlds, would eventually frustrate or poison. But what choice did she have? The only other option would have been to let Loki die. 

Away from the prying eyes of others, before sleep, Thor permitted himself and Loki to shower each other in affection unreservedly. He even lifted the ban on kissing. Loki, who had always wanted to reciprocate the caresses Thor lavished him with, began to braid Thor's hair. They were little, intricate braids, that Loki would often add a ribbon or beads to, and he would spend hours making them as tight and as perfect as he could. Thor was very proud of them, for he knew they were as skillfully done as those of any warrior of Asgard, and it was something Loki gave him that he could show off. He liked it when Sif fingered them and admired their quality, though she refused to ask Loki to do the same for her. 

Thor would often doze off while Loki played with his hair, and have to be awakened with a kiss. After braids it was Loki's turn, and Thor had knew exactly how to touch Loki and bring him to a state of bliss in seconds. Nothing in his life felt better to Thor than knowing that no one else could make Loki feel this good. Even though he was constantly reminded of the rights and privileges of his position, he knew they were all things that could be taken away from him. There had been heirs who never became kings, children whose parents stopped loving them, and immortal warriors who were eventually killed. And one day any of those things could happen to him. But for Loki, no one could ever take his place. No matter what anybody else said, that was the one thing he felt truly made him special more than anything. It was real, and permanent. No war or misunderstanding could ever change that. Although Thor felt a little guilty about it, he was happy when he had heard about how crazy and naughty Loki had been when he was away. He knew it was because Loki had missed him so much. His brother needed him, and not like everybody else did. Other people needed him to become something, to grow up and make right decisions. But Loki only needed Thor to love him, and to be near him, no matter how bad or wrong he was.

He thought about Sif and the destroyer again, and wished he could have been there to see it. He was proud of Loki for being smart enough to trick an older child into getting herself in so much trouble. He giggled, and gave his brother a hard kiss on the mouth. “You're going to be a great sorcerer some day!” he proclaimed.

Loki, who was purring contently and almost asleep blinked at Thor in confusion. “I am?”

“I'm sure of it.”

“Why?”

“Because you're clever. You're more clever than anyone else in this realm.”

“That's probably true,” Loki laughed, “and what about you? You're not mad about kissing anymore?”

“What? I kiss you all the time!”

“No, I kiss _you_ all the time, but that's the first time you kissed me. You said it was naughty for brothers to kiss.”

“I never said that!”

“Yes you did!”

“Well, it doesn't matter. It's all right for us. We're different.”

“How?”

“Well, because _you're_ different. Just don't do it in front of people.”

Loki snuggled into Thor's chest and was quiet for a while. Thor was stroking him, but he wasn't purring because he was too distracted, thinking.

“Thor?” he whispered.

“Hmm?”

“Do you love me?”

“What!? That's a stupid question. Of course I love you.”

“Then why won't you kiss me in front of people?”

“Because... they don't like it.”

“Why not?”

“I don't know why not! They just don't. It makes them angry. Especially father. Now go to sleep.”

Loki was too quiet again. The lack of purring meant there was still something on his mind.

“Thor?”

“Yes?”

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“What?”

“I _like_ to make father angry.” Loki whispered dramatically.

“I know.”

“Does that make me naughty?”

Thor sighed. “Yes.”

“Well, what if I don't care about being naughty? Then I can kiss you in front of whoever and it doesn't matter.”

“No!”

“Why not?”

“Because! I told you, it makes father angry, and _I_ don't like making father angry!”

“So I should be good for you?”

“Yes! Please?”

Loki thought for a minute. “Ok, I'll be good. For you.”

“Good. Now go to sleep.”

Loki's fingers found one of their favorite places wound up in Thor's hair, and within seconds he was purring into Thor's neck.


	3. Chapter 3

In contrast to summer, winter months saw a vibrant and animated Loki. Thor kept him closer than ever during this time, not only because he was a source of energy and excitement, but also because he was prone to practical jokes and mischief-making, which only Thor's supervision could keep in check. He slept longer and deeper in the cold weather, purring richly through the night, clutching Thor and warming his body to the very core. 

In adolescence, Thor had begun to notice changes in Loki's intimate behavior, things only he would have seen and chose not to share with his easily-worried mother. Not that most of them were really problems, but he felt the desire to keep them to himself anyway. Loki purred more readily, so much in fact, that it would begin before they were even in bed, as if the anticipation of their intimacy was enough to get him going. He would jump next to Thor already rumbling and with a glint in his eye, greedily wrapping Thor in his limbs.

“Touch me, damn you,” Loki would chide him, “you've kept me waiting all day.”

But Thor very rarely made him wait all day. They were mostly alone together during the winter, lounging in the library with their independent study assignments, tutorless because Frigga could find no one in the nine realms willing to put up with her younger son's cruelty for more than a day. Odin consented because it was the least hassle, simply giving them difficult and tedious work that would keep the troublesome pair quiet and out-of-sight. Thor was pleased with the arrangement, especially since he spent most of his days idly stroking his brother's back and neck, or practicing his braiding technique on Loki while the latter completed most of the work.

“Do you want to take a look at this and make sure it's all done properly?” Loki would ask, tossing a few parchment scrolls at him.

“How would I know? You're the clever one. I can't even begin to comprehend these symbols, let alone what meaning their combination represents.”

“Well, maybe you'll learn something from copying them. Besides, father will get suspicious if he sees that all of our work is done in my hand.”

“Pshh. Name me a time when father wasn't suspicious of something. And really- do you think he looks over any of that?” Thor yawned and returned his head the small of Loki's back, which he had been using as a vibrating pillow while his brother worked on the floor.

“So what, you're just going to lay there all day doing nothing?”

“I'm doing something,” Thor said, bringing his fingertips to Loki's neck, tickling him and then combing them through long strands of his hair. The steady purring flared slightly at his touch. “I'm keeping an eye on you.”

Thor loved Loki's hair. It was the most beautiful he had ever seen, thick, flawless, and stark black, and in his worship of it he had forbidden Loki to take off even an inch. It now hung to his waist when he stood up, and laying where he was, Thor could gather it into his hands and drape it over his neck. He wished he could blanket his whole body in it, especially in this cold weather.

“I'm freezing,” Thor said, tickling his own face with black hair, then lowering his voice, “Come and lie with me the couch.”

Loki stopped moving his quill. “Why?” he asked.

“I told you, I'm freezing and I want to you to warm me up,” Thor said, playfully tossing the hair into Loki's face, “that's what it's _for_ isn't it?” 

Loki pushed his hair back and smirked, “Why don't you just light a fire?”

“That's too much effort. Come on, don't be difficult,” then Thor sang, “if you lay with me on the couch, I'll do that thing you love to your neck...”

Loki's soft and steady purr sputtered and came to a halt. Then he twisted around to look at Thor, “Don't tease me. You said it gives you a cramp.”

“No, I said you were getting spoiled from too much of it.” Thor jumped over to the couch, knowing Loki would be unable to resist his offer. Thor had learned to be sparing with Loki's favorite forms of affection, using them as leverage to get the things he wanted. Loki fell on top of Thor and they arranged their limbs on the narrow cushions. He was already warm and purring, and Thor shivered the cold away as he gave him a few tight squeezes. Then he brought two fingers to the back of Loki's bare neck and worked the muscle in delicate, circular rhythms that were soon matched by Loki's purr. 

Loki's body followed his motions, the rumble deepening and heat building. Thor lowered his hands below Loki's neck and felt him shudder as he hit another sweet spot. After tensing for a few beats, Loki's body finally relaxed, his lips fell apart, and Thor could hear the vibrations of his chest pouring out of his throat. Thor moved his ear to Loki's mouth to hear it better.

He had always been interested Loki's body, but lately with the way his purring had been changing and intensifying Thor had become almost obsessed. He longed to understand the inner workings of it. He wished he was able to experience it as Loki did, or at least to feel it from the inside. When he stroked his brother, he touched almost every part of him and knew most of Loki's body better than his own. He regretted that there was not some magical way that he could know what his brother felt like on the inside, and dreamed of how it would feel to reach inside of him as he purred and stroke his beating heart, his lungs while they drew breath, and all the other wet and soft parts of his brother he would never have access to. 

Thor used his free hand and pressed it over Loki's heart, looking for the hottest part of his body that must be the source of the purring. “Where do you think it comes from?” he asked.

“Huh?” Loki asked, barely conscious when Thor spoke. He swallowed the excess of fluid that had gathered in his mouth from Thor's attentions.

“And that, too,” Thor said, hearing him swallow, “Have you noticed how much your mouth has been watering lately when you purr? The last two nights you've drooled all over my neck and hair.”

“What?”

“Well, I didn't mind it, really. It's just, you didn't used to do that.”

“Hmm...” Loki said carelessly, still dazed from the neck massage which Thor was now distracted from.

“See, your heart's right here,” Thor said, switching back to the previous topic, “and while it's one of the warmest spots, it's not warmer than the other side of your chest. So it can't be your heart. I don't think.” He continued exploring Loki's torso with his hands, pressing on Loki's windpipe and making him cough, pressing his fingers beneath his ribs and kneading his stomach. “What does it feel like? Where does it _feel_ like it's coming from?”

“It just feels... warm, that's all. It's warm all over,” Loki said, squirming from the rough handling.

“Yes, but _where?_ Where is the thing that causes it? Don't you want to know what it is in you that makes it happen? I wish there was some way to look inside of you while you're purring like this and see it. Don't you care?” Thor said, frustrated by Loki's lack of interest in his own body. Loki was curious about everything- plants, animals, spells, books, machines, stars, everything. The only thing that was impossible to rouse interest in him for was his own self.

“Thor, it really comforts me to know that my future king wishes nothing more than to see me dissected.” Loki said, “You talk like there's some extra organ inside of me that causes it all. You know they've opened the bodies of Jotuns before and found nothing they think would explain it. I probably have all the same parts you do, mine just do different _things._ ”

“Yes, but _which_ parts? Your arms and legs aren't as hot as your chest and belly, and they don't rumble, either. There's a _center._ And I'm sure it's somewhere around here,” Thor said, hands moving lower down Loki's stomach, “I''ll figure this out one day, even if I _do_ have to dissect you! We'll just put you back together in the healing room.”

“The faith you have in that healing room astounds me. If it was so wonderful, then please tell me why the old man wears an eye- _Hey!_ ” Loki yelled as he slapped Thor's hand away, which had ventured below the waist of his trousers. “What do you think you're doing!?”

“What?”

“You know you shouldn't touch me _there_!”

“Touch you- I can touch you wherever I want!” Thor said, spurned.

“Not down there! That's too close to my-” Loki lowered his voice to a whisper, “to my _manhood_.”

“What? Your _manhood_?” Thor laughed, “you're hardly a man, Loki, but whatever you want to call what you've got down there, you should know that I've seen it at least a million times before. And what's this new-found modesty from someone who spends half the year as naked as a-”

“-don't say it- Frost Giant?” Loki seethed, “I hate that joke.”

“I wasn't going to say that,” Thor lied, “I was just going to say that, well, that you're the last person I would ever expect to be so concerned about your, you know- private region.” Thor said, then still feeling like he hadn't cleared up his intentions, added, “And I wasn't going to touch _it_ , just, you know, _around_ it.”

“Well, I don't want anybody touching me anywhere near there. Not even you.”

Thor, realizing Loki had completely stopped purring from the uncomfortable topic, began gently stroking his neck, which was as tense as the expression on his face. Something was on Loki's mind, bothering him. Thor hated when Loki kept things from him more than anything in the world. He knew how much Loki hid from other people, and treasured being in Loki's trust.

“What's wrong?” Thor asked, “Why are you so worried about your manhood?”

“I'm not worried about it,” Loki said, annoyed, “I just don't want anybody touching it!”

“I wasn't touching it!" Thor copied Loki's offended tone, "my fingers were barely below your navel, and you act like I was trying to ravish you!”

“The whole area is off-limits. It's too... _sensitive._ ”

“Sensitive how?”

“Sensitive as in _sensitive_. Sensitive as in _I don't want you to touch me there,_ and that's all you need to know!”

Thor's brotherly concern kicked in, or maybe it was still just his curiosity. “Are you hurt? When I saw you, or _it_ , in the bath last night, it seemed fine to me.”

“It's not hurt, it's just,” Loki sighed and put a hand on his forehead, “it's just been _acting up_ sometimes.”

Thor's hand stopped. He was staring down at the very part of Loki that was under discussion, and wondering if Loki's problem could be related to his other changes. Self-consciously Loki pulled the tail of his robe out from under himself to drape it over the troublesome region.

“Loki, does it... get warm and... does it do the the same things... I mean does it vibrate like the rest of you, when I-”

“Look, Thor, it's nothing for you to worry about,” Loki cut in, “my health is fine and I've got it under control. It's best if you just forget about it.”

“Forget about it? Your well-being is my duty!" Thor raised his voice, "Now stop this childishness and tell me what's going on!”

With regret, Loki realized that the conversation had come to a point where the only way to proceed was with the truth. “It's just that, sometimes, when we're together like this, it's, well it gets _bothered_. It's a curse, my body is betraying me, and I can't help it. It just gets, you know, sensitive, when I'm purring.” Loki, who had covered his face with his hands, peeked out between his fingers to see Thor's expression, which was still baffled. “You _know_ what I'm talking about, _don't_ you?” Loki narrowed his eyes, suddenly more concerned with his brother's apparent dullness than his own embarrassing disclosure, “Tell me you know what I'm talking about!”

“Bothered?” Thor repeated.

“Yes, bothered.” Loki dropped his hands and waited for a sign of recognition in Thor's face, “Excited? Agitated? You know- _aroused_!”

Thor's eyes widened when he finally got it. 

“You hate me now, don't you?" Loki said, desperate from the shocked look on Thor's face, "I disgust you, you'll never touch me again!”

“No, no, no-”

“Yes! You see, this is why I didn't want to tell you,” Loki said, though Thor was already folding his arms around him. 

“It's just, I didn't realize- I just still think of you as-” Thor didn't want to belittle Loki's manhood again, so he asked another question, “So it happens... when you're purring?”

“Yes,” Loki answered into Thor's shoulder.

“Is it... I mean, when it, well, is it _uncomfortable_?”

“Sometimes. Yes, a lot.” came Loki's muffled reply.

"Is it like that right now?"

" _No_!" Loki screamed into his ear.

"Just asking," Thor grimaced from the assault on his ear, "do you ever... relieve yourself... of the problem?”

“ _How_?” Loki asked, “You mean... in front of you? Are you _insane_?”

“No! Not in front of me!” Thor deflected, as if Loki was suggesting that he should do that, “but... when you're alone.”

“No... I can't.”

“Why not?”

“Why are you asking me this?”

“Because I'm your brother!”

"Thor, you don't want to know this!" Loki warned.

"Yes, I do!"

“All right," Loki sighed, steeling himself, "I can't do that, because... Oh Thor, can't you just forget about this!?"

"No!"

"Fine. It's because I don't feel that way... _unless you're around_.”

Thor was stunned, mostly because he liked hearing that response, and realized that there was some dark part of him that wanted Loki to feel that way. He wanted to speak, but could only swallow the spit that was stuck in his throat. Loki was silent, barely even breathing, and laying stiffly in Thor's arms as if he hoped the world might forget he was alive. Thor attempted to pull his face out of its hiding place in Thor's own neck but Loki resisted.

“Look at me,” Thor whispered to him, and made a second attempt to lift Loki's face. He wasn't crying, but the anguish in his averted eyes was more than Thor could bear. He had to speak, even if empty words was all he had to offer. “We are brothers, Loki. This will _not_ beat us. There must be some way to fix this, and we will find it. I swear!”

Loki's face broke, and tears fell out of his eyes, “No Thor, there isn't! Don't you think I've searched! I've even been to the dungeons and spoken to the Jotun prisoners, there's nothing I can do. I'm cursed! I'm bonded to you, and I'll feel this way for the rest of my life. And it's worse now that you know, it's disgusting, and if I were you I would hate me for it...” Loki rambled on as Thor tucked back him into his shoulder, spilling all the frustration and anger he had been bottling up for so long.

Thor wondered how Loki could have kept this hidden from him for so long, and how Thor hadn't noticed anything himself. He had never imagined his brother as a sexual being, he still saw him as a pet or a beautiful doll. Even though he wouldn't say it to Loki, Thor knew that he would never perceive their affections in the same light again.

“...you mustn't tell mother anything about this!” Loki finished, bringing his face out of Thor's shoulder to make sure he heard.

“Of course not!”

“Although, Thor, I do think she made a terrible mistake-”

“ _No!_ Don't say that. You don't know-” Thor sighed, “Loki, my earliest memory is of _you_ , when you were a baby, and very sick. You almost died because you weren't getting the love you needed. I remember it because I was so scared, more than I ever have been in my life. I held you, and cried and sang to you, and when you started purring and warmed up, I promised I would give you whatever you needed, forever. She made no mistake. It had to be like this, or you wouldn't be here. So stop thinking you're cursed. If you need to blame someone, blame me. I made that promise, and I intend to keep it.”

Loki was not reassured, however he was touched by his brother's devotion and strength, even if it was rooted in blind stubbornness. He wanted to kiss him, but thought better of it. He wiped the slippery wetness from his face and took a deep breath. “I love you, Thor,” Loki said, “but I'm really tired of hearing that story every time you or mother are feeling sentimental.”

Thor laughed. As long as Loki was able to find his sarcasm, Thor knew he would be all right.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, all warnings apply.

Thor went alone to the baths that night. Loki had gone after dinner without saying anything to Thor, and instead of inviting himself along he gave Loki his space, even though this was the night Loki usually washed his hair for him. It was a disappointment. He sat alone in the royal baths, lathering his hair somberly and thinking of the conversation in the library.

The subject of lust had been the one topic Thor and Loki had never discussed before. Loki had never shown interest in it, (for reasons he now understood) and sex for Thor had not been what he had hoped. It was messy, invasive, and never quite as fulfilling as his fantasies. Even with Sif, when he took her down during a hunting trip, he was nervous and clumsy, apologetic and self-conscious. He had rushed himself to climax just to get the miserable thing over, and he and Sif had never spoken about it afterward. He had not conducted himself like a prince.

Before that, when he was first aware of his urges, Sif had been the thing he wanted most. He couldn't remember how he had learned about it, but he knew what a woman's body was like, and he knew what he wanted to do to her. Things fit between a woman and a man. He knew she had a warm place hidden on her body that was made for him to occupy. Thinking about it flustered his thoughts, and he soon learned how to find privacy and put himself right.

When he had suggested that Loki try the same solution, he didn't know what Loki would think about, if anything, while he did it. What about Thor could put him in such a state of excitement? What was there for two men to do to each other? The men who were called _ergi_ did not just act like women, from what Thor was told, they also desired to be taken like women, by other men. He assumed the impossibility of satisfaction was just part of their curse. Loki, though, was different. He was bonded to Thor, and it was his body that was confused, not his mind. There must be some way to redirect his urge outward, towards other people he could satisfy himself with. He might meet someone he fancied, fall in love, and form another bond with someone else who could - 

No. Thor didn't want any of that. Loki chatting and giggling with someone else, pining over some silly maiden, lying with her on the couch and letting her put her hands all over his body? Would she be able to do it right? Of course not. And what would happen when she grew tired of Loki and his moods and caprices? Be done with him? Leave him alone to suffer? No, Thor could never permit any of that. There was only one person that could be trusted with that most delicate side of Loki, and that was Thor. Other people didn't even really understand the Loki he knew, the one who moaned and clutched helplessly in his hair as Thor's hands moved over his body, so exposed, so open, nothing like the mean and conniving brat most other people perceived him to be. 

It was really impossible to describe Loki when he was in a state of rapture during petting sessions. This had started recently, when instead of just becoming sleepy and dozing off, Loki now entered an uncanny semi-consciousness when Thor was giving him pleasure. Of all the changes Thor had seen Loki going through, this one thing had been the most significant. He had been warned about it, but until it started happening, he hadn't really known what to expect. It was like he was hypnotized, somnambulatory, there, but _not_ there. His eyes would be open, but glossy and dilated. He would look at Thor, or, more precisely, it seemed like he was looking _through_ him, and he wouldn't answer anything Thor asked him. At first thinking Loki was playing a trick, he would threaten to spit on him, break his things, and even loudly farted once just to see how Loki would react. It was like he was deaf. He was insensible to words, though he was still able to reach out and know Thor's body, return caresses passionately, and respond to Thor's attentions in gasps. And when it was all over, either in the morning or after Thor had walked away from him, Loki would remember absolutely none of it. 

In the beginning it seemed as though Loki was lost or asleep behind those glassy eyes, but as Thor became accustomed to it, he thought of it as an unmasking. The spiteful youth who hid himself behind wit and jibes was lost, and Loki as he really was, sensitive, trusting, and badly in need of love, was all that was left. Only Thor knew that side of him; even Loki didn't believe him when he described what it was like, and seemed embarrassed whenever Thor talked about it. Thor,on the other hand, was envious. He wanted to feel what Loki felt in that rapture, that total loss of self-awareness and control. He once believed sex must be like that, or even better, and in his fantasies pictured Sif and other maidens acting as Loki did when he touched them. But in reality, it was never like that. They were as self-conscious as he was, they never whined or reached for him with quite the same desperation, and worst of all, their bodies seemed cold and inert. 

Loki's expressive purring body could never be matched. He would never find a woman that could satisfy him, whose body would be so inviting, no, _demanding_ of his attention, and for that, _he_ felt cursed. He dreamed for a minute what it would be like, to be inside something so thrumming with life, so hot and excited, unhesitant, insistent, needing and wanting only him. If Loki could get so beside himself for a little massage, how would he abandon himself for a lover? And that purr, what would it feel like, to be wrapped in that heady throb, to put his fingers, his tongue, his - what if it were possible to -

Three guards ending their shift came rattling into the baths. Thor lowered himself into the water, dunking his head to wash the soap out of his hair. They apologized when they saw him, but he excused them, admitting that he had stayed longer than usual. He wanted to get out, but realized with consternation that he was _bothered_ , as Loki called it. He waited a few moments before rising from the water, dressing, and leaving for his chambers.

Loki was tucked into the corner of their bed, with a giant book in his lap. Typically, if he mounted the bed first, he would sprawl himself out in the middle, but tonight he gave most of the bed to Thor. When he got beneath the covers, Loki didn't even look up from his book.

“Come here,” Thor said, staring at Loki's face and wondering how a boy could be so pretty even when he was frowning. He patted the empty space beside him and yawned.

“No. I don't want that tonight,” Loki said meekly, barely above a whisper.

Thor disliked timidity, and coming from Loki, it was intolerable. He knew best way to fix this disgusting mood was to provoke Loki's wrath. “I said come here!” and he made a surprise attack, one hand darting beneath the sheets to roughly squeeze Loki's cripplingly ticklish side. He yowled, and Thor laughed, even as he felt himself being beaten over the head with a pillow.

“I hate you!” Loki screamed, and the beating stopped. Thor was still overcome with gleeful triumph when he felt a body roughly trampling his own as it passed over him. He came to his senses in time to catch a slender foot and the hem of a nightshirt.

“Where are you going?” Thor demanded.

“There are over forty guest rooms in this palace where one can rest without being manhandled,” Loki said, reclaiming his foot and smoothing his ruffled hair, “and I'm going to find one of them.”

“Why wouldn't you just come to me when I asked you to? Why are you – why didn't you wait for me to go to the baths?”

Loki narrowed his eyes at Thor, and attempted to free the nightshirt from his grip.

“Nothing has changed,” Thor lied in response to Loki's look, “just get back in bed. Besides, if mother finds out you've been sleeping in one of the guest rooms, she'll think we've been fighting and there'll be plenty of questions. I know you hate that.”

Loki sighed, but was hesitant to give in. Thor wrapped the nightshirt around his hand, showing Loki that it was going to be a struggle if he didn't.

“Let go of my clothes! Don't you threaten me like that!”

If he had still wanted to leave, Loki would have fought or torn out of the nightshirt. Thor let go, knowing Loki wouldn't say something like that unless he was going to let Thor have his way. Loki had to have the last word.

With a sigh Loki crawled back into the bed and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Do you really hate me?” Thor asked after a minute.

Loki sighed, “When you truly hate someone, you don't care if your feelings matter to them. You call them a name, or you insult their family or their social standing. When you tell someone you hate them in anger, it's usually because you love them very dearly, and expect them to be wounded simply by your hatred,” Loki lowered his voice, hesitant to say the last part, “false though it _may_ be.”

“So you _don't_ hate me?”

Loki didn't answer. 

Thor put an arm over him, trying to draw him close. “I know you're upset about this... change, but it doesn't mean we need to be strangers to each other. It wasn't a problem before today, and I want you to know that it doesn't matter to me.” 

“It matters to me,” Loki said.

Thor lifted his hand, trembling and unsure to Loki's chest, letting it glide over his shoulders and the open neck of his nightshirt. His body was cold and tense, and Loki closed his eyes and winced as if he was in pain.

“Doesn't it feel good anymore when I touch you?” Thor asked.

“Yes,” Loki admitted, but Thor could see it hurt him to say so. It felt _too_ good, Thor knew, but he wanted to make it feel even better.

Thor used the lightest touch, trailing his fingertips along the length of his brother's neck. He wanted Loki to be seeking his touch, his skin to be begging for more. He traced the outline of his jaw, and brought his face close enough so Loki could feel his breath on his lips, in his mouth, filling his nostrils.“You want me to stop? I will if you want me to,” Thor whispered, his mouth dangerously close to Loki's. 

“No.” Loki gasped, barely comprehensible, as if something was fighting to stop him admitting the truth. He was fading, passing through and trying to resist it. Thor could see Loki's eyes rolling behind their lids, his breath hitching, and his lips quivering, everything so alive inside him, struggling against his mind's control. Thor circled his thumb around Loki's mouth, teasing him, knowing there was a part of Loki hating him for it and another part dying to taste. But Thor was dying for it, too. He pushed down on Loki's chin, guiding his mouth open, and felt thirsty seeing the little teeth glistening inside his brother's watering mouth. He was ready to take the plunge.

“I want you to kiss me,” Thor asked, terrified, swallowing and voice cracking, “to show me -” he was interrupted by Loki's hand gently covering his own and his eyes opening. They were big and black, and Loki was somewhere in them, drowning, but still able to shake his head – no. Thor released his jaw, letting his gaping mouth close so he could swallow all that had been gathering inside it. “I'm sorry,” Thor whispered, relenting but still wanting.

Loki was close anyway. Thor dragged his hands hard down his neck and over the nightshirt, and Loki's body was so hungry for it he arched into the strokes. Thor went beneath his shirt, (Loki was already past being able to stop him) and watched as his eyes rolled in ecstasy beneath their fluttering lids. He kept painting Loki's bare skin with caresses, feeling the tiny hairs that stood on end, every nerve sharpened and honed in on him, Thor. He let his hands go uninhibited, into the sleeves to grope Loki's arms and then defiantly below his navel to his hips. Loki shuddered twice and the purr came in uneven, violent waves, wreaked out of him from Thor's heavy petting. Thor loved that – when it was erratic and rending, making the proud prince into an abject kitten.

Loki was gone. Hot, limp, and defenseless. This was totally Thor's. He took Loki's body and rolled it against his so he could feel the now steadied, unyielding vibrations flowing into him. They were pressed against each other, and Thor couldn't help wondering what Loki's body was doing – _down there_. He tried to sense it, tried to feel some hardness in his brother's flimsy pants by rubbing against him. Loki's vibrations, though, were too distracting, especially against his own aroused member, which seemed possessed as it kept grinding forward. This was the first time he had ever been like this with his brother in his arms, and the feeling against his excited groin was as intoxicating as he imagined it would be. The rhythmic grinding found response when Loki suddenly thrust his hips forward to meet him.

“Loki?” Thor said, his body freezing. There was no response, it was just a reaction from an unconscious body. The sound of his own voice, though, so fearful and ashamed, disturbed him. Was there ever a time before this that he had been so utterly terrified of being caught doing something, even by Loki? No, this was definitely the worst thing he had ever done, and he was alone in it. He tried to rationalize the situation, telling himself this was nothing wrong, it was only curiosity, and besides, there was nothing wrong he _could_ do, really, since they were both men.

But it felt wrong. There must be something wrong about lying here, hard and aching against your own brother. It felt wrong like when they broke into the food storage and stole mead, or wrong like sneaking out of the palace to take rides in the middle of the night. It was a thrilling, irresistible kind of wrong, the kind Loki was best at. He always led Thor into that kind of trouble and it seemed appropriate that Loki should take the reigns now. If only he wasn't unconscious...

Thor brought his face next to Loki's and nuzzled him, one of their most common forms of childhood affection. _I'm here,_ Thor meant to tell him, _show me what to do, how to break this rule, show me what it is to be wrong like you want._ He imagined that Loki could understand him now, through their touch and their nearness, just as he did when he was a baby, when Thor saved him from death. He held him close and caressed him, believing his fingers could again speak beyond the confines of words.

Loki nuzzled him back, his body thoughtlessly responding. His lips parted, and Thor nudged closer to brush his lips against his brother's. They shared breath, and Thor felt the hair rise on the back of his neck as he made another pass against his brother's open mouth, lips moist and sticky. Loki closed his lips, and Thor followed suit, sealing the kiss. There had been been a million kisses between them, but this one felt like the first the universe had ever known. It lasted a mortal lifetime, or seemed so, until Loki's mouth opened and he brought the kiss back with tongue. Thor moaned as his mouth was flooded with the wetness he had been craving, swallowing mouthfuls of the slippery fluid being fed to him.

Loki pushed him back and kissed harder, reaching more deeply into Thor than anyone ever had before. Thor tried to receive it all as best he could, but some of the fluid ran over his cheeks and down his neck. It was getting messy, but this time he didn't mind: it was Loki. A trembling hand blindly ran over Thor's body, clutching and grabbing, getting closer to his aching groin. Thor reached down to grab his cock, partly to protect Loki's unknowing hand and partly because he couldn't stand neglecting it anymore. He squeezed it and pulled; it was sticky from the heat and there was no way to comfortably relieve himself without some lubrication, but he had no desire to get up from the bed for the oil he kept near the wash basin.

Loki's savage kissing had traveled down Thor's jaw and into his neck. He was using teeth, biting and sucking like Thor had never experienced before, devouring him and causing him to see stars in his eyes. His cock hardened more and more with every bite, until Thor became seriously worried that it would burst. It was intolerable, he squeezed himself and yanked but still his hand couldn't slide smoothly over it. At the same time, his neck was being soaked from the excess of saliva Loki was producing. 

Thor pulled Loki's head away from his neck by the hair, and took a good look at the swollen lips and fluttering eyelashes. A long stringy trail of saliva connected his mouth to Thor's neck. It was disgusting, or would have been, if it was anybody but Loki. Thor let go of his cock and slipped two fingers into the soggy mess, wondering if Loki could taste his manhood. Loki sucked reflexively, and Thor shuddered at the feeling and sight of his glistening fingers sliding in and out of the hot, vibrating hole, spittle running down his wrists as he worked it. After tormenting himself for a few minutes, he hooked his fingers inside and brought them out with nearly a handful of slippery liquid.

It felt better than any oil or grease he had ever used on his cock, probably because he knew where it came from. Loki's face was back in his neck, sucking his earlobe as he began frantically working himself, overcome. It didn't take long. He sprayed into his pants carelessly, pumping himself dry and soiling his hand. When he brought it out of his pants, the pungent smell mixed with the saliva and sweat from the two bodies. His curiosity was having free reign tonight; he brought the hand to his mouth and sucked the come from one of his fingers- it was thick and bitter, and stuck in his throat as he swallowed. Then he lifted Loki's head again and let him suck the rest of the mess from his fingers before laying him on his chest. Minutes later, they were both asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Heimdall was the first thing on Thor's mind when he woke up the next morning. That, and how he had ever worked up the nerve to allow what happened last night. He imagined himself walking through the throne room downstairs, headed for the open door to the courtyard, and being stopped by his father's mournful voice calling his name. He would turn and see his father, shame and anger in his face, while Heimdall stood by, dropping his eyes to the ground as Thor approached. He wouldn't let his imagination take him any further than that.

Loki was already out of bed, dressing himself as he looked out the window. He turned away and made for the other side of the room, but when he saw Thor's open eyes, he stopped and collapsed lazily on the bed. “You're awake. Those buffoons are out there in the courtyard, twirling their weapons around and looking up at the window. You know they're lost without you.” Loki said, running a brush through his hair. He watched Thor for a minute and then his eyes narrowed and the brushing stopped.

“What?” Thor asked, wary of Loki's stare.

Loki leaned forward and pushed Thor's head to one side, running his hand over the skin from Thor's ear to his shoulder, “You're neck - _what happened to your neck?_ ” He said, fingering the blotchy, purpled skin, “It looks like -” Loki's hand froze and horror filled his eyes. He backed slowly away from Thor and then looked into his eyes accusingly, “- they look like love bites, Thor. Did _I_ do this to you?”

“What? No!” Thor tucked the sheets up around his neck, protecting himself, but Loki threw them back off.

“Then tell me how those got there!” Loki said in a strained whisper, “Go ahead, get up and take a look at yourself in the mirror!”

Thor was reluctant to get out of bed; he could feel the stiffened, soiled fabric sticking to his body where he had messed in his pants last night and was worried that it would be visible. But he had to know what Loki was talking about. He jumped out of bed, shielding his groin with his hand as he ran over to the mirror to see what was on his neck. He groaned when he understood the reason for Loki's aghast stare. There were big, dark bruises where Loki had loved him all along his neck. They would be impossible to hide, and could be mistaken for nothing except what they were.

“ _Well?_ ” came Loki's insistent voice behind him.

Thor groaned again as he skipped back to the bed and covered himself with his sheets. “It's the first day of spring training, and I can't go out there like this!”

“What happened?”

“I don't know,” Thor's voice came from under the sheets and blankets, “maybe it happened while we were both asleep. It doesn't hurt though, so -”

“I knew it! I had the strangest feeling when I woke up this morning... that's it – today, I'm taking my things and moving back to the old -”

“No!” Thor threw everything off of him and sat up, “No, no, no. You can't.”

Loki was peering at Thor, into him with those eyes Thor often thought were too wise for his age, and pointing his hairbrush at him, “I had a very strange dream last night,” he said darkly, “About _you._ You were hovering over me, and asking me to -” Loki cut himself off, and watched as Thor shifted his eyes nervously away from him, “except, it didn't _seem_ like a dream, really. No, it wasn't, was it?”

“I just wanted to -” Thor was searching his mind, figuring a half-truth would be more believable than total denial, “I wanted a little practice -”

“Thor!”

“- but you said no, and that was the end of it. What happened afterward is anyone's guess.”

Loki crinkled his brow, “It can't go on like this.”

“But what else can you do?” Thor asked, “You can't sleep alone – without me. You'll go mad!”

“Yes! I hate to admit that it's true,” Loki rolled his eyes and continued brushing, “but it is. There's still some things I can try, things that might relax the more – _erotic_ urges my body seems to be unable to suppress,” he looked back at Thor, “as well as yours, though I can hardly say you have an excuse. That book I pulled from father's library has some suggestions – Vanir and Aesir recipes for inhibiting the sex drive -”

“But surely they won't work on your Jotun body -”

“We can hope!” Loki snapped, smacking Thor's thigh with the hairbrush, “You think that hasn't crossed my mind? Besides, when did you become such a defeatist?” Loki turned away and gritted his teeth angrily, “I couldn't find any Jotnar love magic in any of the old tomes. Those beasts have spells for everything – from boiling meat to sore ankles to world annihilation, but nothing – absolutely _nothing_ on the subject of sex.”

“Perhaps it is because of the bonds,” Thor mused, rubbing his stinging thigh, “perhaps they are too strong to be affected by – Oww!”

Loki slapped him again on the same spot, this time hitting his knuckles, “Defeatist!”

 

An hour later they were bouncing along together on Loki's mare, sharing a saddle to disguise Thor's secret departure. Loki was going to gather materials for the spells he wanted to experiment with, and Thor had implored that he be brought along. It seemed like a good idea, considering the state of Thor's neck. There would be questions if he went to the healing room, and Loki could not guarantee that a glamour would remain effective if he wasn't present. And he was _not_ going to spend the day watching Thor grunt and swing weapons at his friends. On the other hand, Thor could help Loki gather materials in the wood for his spells as well as an unguent to permanently heal the bruising. 

Once the trail they were riding was covered by the forest canopy, Loki relaxed the concealing enchantment hiding Thor and he was again visible. Thor turned his hand over in front of his eyes as he saw his own flesh reflecting light again.

“What a riot! To see our mother inquiring about me when I'm standing right in front of her!” Thor laughed and tightened his grip around Loki's waist from behind. He realized this was the first time they had shared a saddle with him not holding the reigns. It was delightful getting away from the palace and the watchful eyes of his keepers with his favorite companion, even if it meant taking the backseat, literally.

“How can you be so selfish? You know she's really quite worried about you! Nobody knows where you are!” Loki scolded, raining on Thor's joy.

“What? Since when does it bother you to lie and sneak off? Besides, you gave her that note we wrote saying I'd left early to hunt.”

“Let's hope she accepts that and doesn't ask Heimdall to find you.”

A tremor shot through Thor. “Loki - he'll see both of us!”

“No, he'll see neither of us, and that's what will be so telling...”

“What do you mean he'll see neither of us?”

“Oh, Thor,” Loki said tiredly, “haven't you ever guessed why we've gotten away with so much over the decades? It never works when we misbehave with your friends, only when it's just the two of us. Remember when we stole all of that mead from the cellar and drank it in the garden during that ridiculous over-night party with Sif and all the rest of those hooligans?”

“Yes...”

“Well, we didn't have any problems until Fandral snuck all of those courtesans in over the garden wall and Volstagg decided to jump naked into the pond. That's when the old cyclops came tearing out of the palace in his robe threatening to wring our necks – that's when Heimdall alerted him to our shenanigans. But why wouldn't Heimdall react as soon as he noticed you and I, it was just us two, mind you, hauling that giant barrel up from the cellar?”

“Why indeed?”

Loki shrugged, “Well because Heimdall can't _see_ me. And he can't see you either when you're with me, I assume.”

“You assume? What do you mean, you assume? This must be you working your seidr, so how can you not tell who it effects?”

“That's just it. If it is some sort of seidr, it's beyond my control. It's not intentional. I'm just invisible to him, as you are in my presence. Think about how many times you and I have played in the vault. I did it several times before I brought Sif down there, and that's the only time I've been caught. That was the first time I guessed there was something special about me. Then I tested it. I would walk right up behind Heimdall while he was star-gazing and stand there for ages. He had no idea I was there. Once I threw myself on his back to scare him. You should have seen the look on his face...” Loki laughed, then added with regret, “That was stupid, of course, because then he knew that I knew. But I was young.” 

Thor was momentarily speechless. Memories ran through his head, everything corroborating Loki's amazing disclosure. Thor couldn't imagine how he could have been blind to this before. “Do you think father knows this? Or mother?”

“Mother? No. Are you kidding? She thinks you and I are angels,” Loki paused to give them both a chance to laugh, “but father – well, he must know. Heimdall would be obliged to tell him.”

“And me?” Thor asked, “Why would this effect me?”

“I've asked myself that, and all I can come up with is the bond. It only works on you, and only when you're near me. It's as if we're a single entity when we're together...” Loki paused, giving thought to this reality, “Strange, because father must know of this effect as well, and he still allows you to go gallivanting about with me even though you're beyond the protection of Heimdall's watch.”

“Well I'm sure he knows you're safe with me.” Thor said confidently.

“Yes, but isn't he worried if _you're_ safe with _me_? That would be the real question.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, if something were to happen to us, if we were under attack or some such unfortunate event, Heimdall wouldn't know about it unless we were separated. And you, being the son and heir to the throne? It seems like an awfully big risk to take. Not to mention unfair. I mean, shouldn't _you_ be informed of the risk?”

Thor quickly replied, “Well,why didn't _you_ tell me about this?”

“Oh, well I plainly confess – I worried you would find my company unwelcome. But, it's all out now.” Loki shrugged.

Thor was touched. “Loki, you know nothing can keep me from you...”

“Not even danger?”

Thor laughed, “No, especially not that. It only makes being with you more exciting.” Thor gave him another squeeze. “Has father ever spoken to you about this?”

“Of course not. Are you crazy?”

“Why is that crazy?”

“Can you see our father acknowledging a fault in his omnipotence? Never. What would he do? Bring me before him and say, 'Son, I know I cannot stop you from doing anything you wish, but please obey me anyway.' Odin has no faith in trust. He only understands fear. And therefore, _he_ fears anything that cannot be made to fear _him_.”

“Are you trying to say -”

“Yes!” Loki cut him off, “Odin fears what I would do if he attempted to limit my movements and depends completely on your watch, Thor. Maybe he believes that I still think Odin's not aware of this exception of mine, or worries that any action taken to remedy the situation might bring it to the attention of others. Think of what the council would say if they knew that Odin was housing the greatest potential threat to universal peace in his own palace? The only thing that doesn't make sense to me is why he doesn't just have me destroyed...”

“ _Loki!_ ”

“What? It's the only sensible thing to do. Then again, he'd have you and mother to contend with, but if there was an accident...”

Thor reached forward and yanked the reigns from Loki's hands, pulling them and bringing them to an abrupt stop. Then he shouted, “You won't speak like this again, do you hear me?” He grabbed Loki's jaw and turned it sharply to the side, “None of this is ever to be repeated, to anyone! _Do I make myself clear?_ ”

“Of course,” Loki said, tearing his face away from Thor's grip, “It was only a joke, anyway.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving to my fellow thorki fans!
> 
> I can't tell you how grateful I am for this awesome community and especially all the readers who are supporting this story. Lots of Love!
> 
> Also, to the myth experts - please let me now if their is any problems with my myth references! Thanks!

The two rode on in silence. Thor was relieved, of course, to know that last night's indiscretion would remain his own lonely secret. But he felt angry that Heimdall, and Odin, and Loki especially would keep such an important thing from him and his mother. It opened his eyes to how much went on in his life that he knew nothing about, and he wondered how much more there was for him to learn. Was this just a small sample of the things that made his father seem so tired, so beaten, like he was constantly carrying an impossibly heavy and invisible weight? Thor had always judged his father to be unappreciative of his power, and thought of a what a bright and fresh replacement _he_ would make someday on the throne of Asgard. But with worries like these, it was no wonder Thor could only remember a handful of times he had ever seen his father smile, let alone laugh.

When the day came that it would be Thor's duty to bear his father's glory as well as his burdens, would Odin have revealed the truth about Loki to him? Odin regularly described political issues to Thor, asking the boy what he would do in such and such circumstances, and usually scolding him for his rash assessments. Odin was careful, and secretive. It seemed he wished Thor to be the same way. Why had he had not spoken to Thor about Loki unless he thought Thor could not be trusted? He hoped that his father only feared that he and Loki would get into more mischief, but it was too difficult to ignore Loki's insinuations that Odin might have darker intentions. If Odin had spoken to Thor of his suspicions of Loki, and then something happened to his brother, (gods forbid) Thor would have turned on his father with vengeance. He would not think twice, as Odin surely knew.

Thor blinked the chilling thoughts away. That was a dark world, he told himself, one that didn't exist. This was another of Loki's childish games that he was playing right into by even thinking of this rubbish. Perhaps Loki should be considered a _potential_ threat; anybody with his capability would. And anybody could recognize Loki's spiteful and mischievous streak, as well as his open resentment for Odin and his authority. But as long as Loki was devoted to Thor and Thor was devoted to Odin, the Allfather could feel secure. His secrecy was probably all to protect Heimdall, whose golden prestige would be smeared if it were learned that the adolescent princes lived completely beyond his watch. 

The trail narrowed as the mare carried the brothers deeper into the wood, her flanks brushing the new spring saplings whose tips dared to grow into the path. Thor's stomach grumbled, even as he entertained such serious thoughts. Suddenly a gooseberry bush came into view, speckled with tiny crimson fruits.

Thor reached again, above Loki's hold, and halted the horse. “Let me pick us some berries.”

He could hear an irked sigh from Loki but ignored it and dismounted. He un-tucked his shirt, ready to collect them in it's slack.

“I'd be careful if I were you,” Loki warned from the saddle, keeping the mare steady with some easy flicks of his wrist, “It's all laced with nettle, can't you see? If you're not pierced by thorns as your digging around in there, _that_ plant will give you its own poison kiss. You're gambling, Thor.”

Loki's cautionary words sounded like a challenge to Thor. “I know how to pick berries, _brother,_ ” he said with caustic staccato flares.

He walked eagerly forward, curling his fingers around a group of ripe fruits and pulling them off. He turned to glare at Loki as he threw them into his mouth. They were delicious. The earliest spring berries were always tart but Thor loved the way they overwhelmed his sense of taste and stung his throat and jaw. He turned back to the bush to find more, and realized that most were hidden deep within. Loki was right; the nettle and the gooseberries were tangled like lovers. But he was hungry, so he plunged his hand inside and grasped another group of berries. The luck of a prince, he thought, as he began extracting his unmolested hand. He noted a nettle leaf hanging above his wrist and lowered his hand against a berry stem, then felt something rip his flesh as he continued to pull out of the bush. He winced and rubbed his fingers against the scratch.

“Having fun?” Loki laughed behind him. 

This handful was meant to be for his brother, but after the mocking words Thor threw them into his own mouth. The bitterness distracted him from the painful cut. “It was only a thorn, you brat! I know what nettle looks like!”

Thor had to go for it again, or else Loki would tease him. He used his other hand, reaching deep into a cavern in the bush to avoid the thick, thorny stems. He felt a giant cluster of bulging, ripe fruits that he would give to his brother to show him what a woodsman he was. He winked at Loki as he tried to envelope the monstrous cluster in his hand, and then yanked down. His hand hit something that sent a shock through his senses, and his fingers dropped their bounty and flew out of the bush.

“Damn!” An infuriating itchiness had him scratching maniacally at the spot. He barely had the clarity of mind to mourn his lost berries. He sucked air through his teeth, and shook his hands in the air, cursing the bush.

Loki was ecstatic, his head thrown back in laughter. Thor saw him, and couldn't relent. He must use this as an opportunity to learn how to deal with pain. How could he be a great warrior if he was afraid of a little stinging nettle? He would reach back in and grab those berries. Surely they were sitting pretty on the nettle where he dropped them, waiting to be picked up. 

When Loki saw Thor reaching back into the bush, he said “Thor, you don't have to impress me. Just get back on the ho -”

“Shut up, Loki!” Thor spat, reaching his shaking arm back into the bush. This time he was pricked all around by the thorns and nettle he hadn't the mind to avoid. He grit his teeth and pressed further in until he was up to his armpits, then felt around for the prize cluster. 

“Thor -”

“Loki, you're trying my -”

“ - you realize you're standing in a patch of clover, don't you? There's a bee feeding an arm's length from your feet.”

Thor was still for a moment. Fine. He would get his cluster and go. If only he could find it.

“Thor? It seems disturbed,” Loki said warily, the humor gone from his voice.

“Just wait,” Thor said, feeling a torn stem that must be connected to his berries. He reached even deeper into the bush, laying against it has he felt nettle prickling his ear. 

“Thor, it's flying towards you,” Loki said, and Thor could hear hooves moving away from him, Loki obviously terrified of the little pest. He hooked a finger beneath the stem and lifted, feeling the weight of those gorgeous berries. He laughed as he pulled his hand out despite a few more tears from the thorns, and lifted the berries into the air.

“Thor, run over here!” Loki was several yards away, holding his hand out and beckoning Thor to mount. Just then he heard a buzzing in his ear.

“It's in your hair!”

Thor took off howling and ran towards the horse, lifting himself onto its back with the help of Loki's hand. They galloped away, slowing only when they turned a bend and felt safe from the terror of the bee. Thor held the berries in front of Loki's face. “Have you seen anything in your life like that, brother? Here, eat them.”

“Oh, no. I think you've earned them,” Loki answered, spying the red, welted, and scratched wrists holding out the offering.

“No,” Thor said, hurt, “I got them for you.” He bounced them in his hand, and Loki knew he had no choice if he didn't want to hurt Thor's feelings. He took one hand off the reigns and grabbed them. They were sweet, bursting in his mouth as the accompanying tartness pricked the hairs on his neck. He giggled. “A triumph, Thor.”

Thor wrapped him lovingly in his arms for a second, and regretted having to release the embrace to scratch his hands.

“Let me see,” Loki said, mouth full of berries but still noticing Thor scratching. He took a hand from the reigns and plunged a particularly afflicted finger into his mouth. It was warm, and Thor could feel the chewed pieces of berries as he sucked. It was different than the night before, Loki was deliberate, stronger. Thor's pain was eased, but his mind was aflame thinking of that mouth.

* * *

They reached the meadow Loki had been seeking to pick herbs. Everything he required was found rather quickly, Thor watching vigilantly for any nettle or clover during their search. Loki had brought a mortar and pestle along that he was using to crush the ingredients for the love-bitten neck. Thor's hands and arms were already coated with a tingling ointment for the nettle, and he waited for further treatment as he threw stones into the stream they rested beside.

Loki finally came forward to paint a thick salve on his neck, Thor hissing as the goop penetrated his skin. Loki whispered a few words as his thumbs circled over the area slowly, then blew an icy breath that lit the burn even brighter.

“It's working?” Loki asked.

“Well, it's surely doing _something_ ,” Thor said, his eyes watering.

“That means it's working.” Loki said with confidence. They sat for a while, Loki staring into the stream as Thor tensed his muscles and breathed through the blinding sting, trying to remind himself that he was the one who allowed this to happen.

“If you want a distraction,” Loki smiled wryly, “I can show you a new trick. Close your eyes.”

“Will it hurt?” Thor asked, instantly realizing how pathetic he sounded.

“No, silly. Close your eyes. I'll tell you when to open them.”

Thor did as he was told, and after a few seconds heard Loki say, “All right. You can look now.”

Thor jumped back when he saw what sat before his eyes. It was Loki, or it seemed to be, but he was blue from head to foot. Loki laughed at Thor's reaction as his brother scuttled closer, peering at him in disbelief. “Loki?”

“How's the burn now?”

Thor looked carefully over Loki's strange form. He was his normal shape and size, his long black hair unchanged, his eyes, though a sinister red, seemed to possess the same intelligence and character, and his skin, though blue as a frost giant, looked smooth and unblemished. To be sure that this was not just a shadow Loki had cast, Thor reached his hand forward to touch him, then hesitated, remembering what the old warriors had said about the Jotun's deadly freezing skin.

“I don't think it will harm you,” Loki said in response to Thor's suspended hand, and then nodded his head toward the mare idly grazing behind them. “I've pet Sinir like this before, and it had no effect on her. I thought she might not recognize me, but it made no difference to her at all.”

Thor laid his hand on Loki's neck, laughing when he felt the blue skin, cool but still the same soft texture he he had always known. He touched his brother's face, and his dark lips which were still as soft as ever. 

“Well – what do you think?” Loki asked, as if he was modeling some new robes.

“I think you're – beautiful,” Thor couldn't believe his words any more than Loki, who laughed openly as his old enchantment drifted back over him.

“Was that your _true_ form?” Thor asked, breathless. It was like seeing a woman naked for the first time.

“I think so. I came upon it accidentally when I was experimenting with some other disguises. When I tried to return to my normal self, I ended up like this. It doesn't require any more concentration to remain in that form than this, my usual glamor. The one father gave me.”

“Does he know you can overcome his magic?”

“What, do you think I would just saunter into the throne room like that?” Loki smirked.

“No, of course not,” Thor said, brushing the back of his fingers against Loki's cheek, “Will you let me see it again?” 

Loki rolled his eyes and slowly waved a hand over his face, blue spreading over his skin. Thor reached out to touch him again. “So this is the real you,” he said dreamily, “it's funny, you don't look like a -”

“- a monster?” Loki finished his sentence with a raised eyebrow. “No, you're right, a bit too small, don't you agree? And my features are decidedly delicate, if I do say so myself.”

Thor's hands were back on Loki's face, tracing his jaw and straying over his lips, “You're not like any Jotun I've ever seen, in the books, or down there – in the dungeons. You really look almost -”

“Aesir?” Loki asked.

Thor lifted his fingers away from Loki's face, “Yes.” 

“I think so too,” Loki shrugged, “perhaps I'm _not_ just Jotun. After all, it wouldn't be the first time the Aesir thought to use Jotunheim as a brothel...”

It took a moment for Thor to understand that he was referring to his grandmother, the giantess Bestla and his grandfather Bor. But even when his mind made the connection he couldn't believe his ears. Was Loki actually capable of such an unprovoked and venomous attack? He looked at his brother, whose color was slowly changing back to its pale glamor as he traced his finger along in dirt and hummed to himself. Thor wrapped his hand around the narrow wrist and squeezed until the humming stopped.

Softly he said, “Take that back, Loki.” It wasn't a warning as much as a plea. He really was unable to believe that Loki would say something so awful, and was begging his brother to erase it from reality.

“Why?” Loki asked with affected innocence, “Why should you be ashamed, when it means your heritage and mine are so alike? Should _I_ be thus ashamed?”

Thor whipped Loki's wrist toward his own chest with a strength that would have pulled the arm out of its socket if Loki wasn't quick enough to flex. The yank still wiped the grin off Loki's face and brought him flying into Thor, “To correct your misunderstanding, brother,” Thor said, “Bestla was , _not_ of Jotunheim, but a primordial giantess, noble, pure as ice itself, and quite unlike the degenerate, upstart creatures _you_ spawned from!”

Loki allowed Thor to finish his insult before striking him across the face with his open palm and all his strength behind it. The first thing Thor was aware of was the warmth it left in his cheek and the ringing in his ear. Then came the maddening throb. Loki had already broken from Thor's grip and was dashing towards the stream. 

Thor grabbed him and spun him around, taking his jaw and the back of his head in his hands. “I have had enough of your casual beatings and slandering, Loki, which you deal out to me as carelessly as if I were your dog!” He shook his brother's face in his like a rag doll as he screamed, “You abuse me lovelessly when I should be your master! I will tolerate no more!” He struck the boy with the hand he took from behind his head, holding his jaw just long enough to give himself an easy aim. Loki fell back onto the rocky banks of the stream, and when he looked back up at Thor, blood was trickling from his nostril.

Thor's heart was pierced; he had never harmed his brother like that before. Guilt stunned him, and when Loki flew at Thor, pushing him down and pounding his anger into his face, Thor was gasping for air before he became conscious enough to act. He lunged upwards and threw Loki onto his back, straddled him, and pushed his neck down into the rushing water. After a few coughs from Loki he lifted his face and slapped him. His head fell back into the stream. Thor lifted his face to hit him again several times until he felt the body relax.

Thor stood over his brother, shivering and ankle deep in the bitterly cold water. Both brothers were fully soaked. Thor sat on the bank and began peeling off his clothes, teeth chattering uncontrollably. Loki sat up and wiped his wrist across his lip, glaring at Thor when he saw the red stain on his sleeve. Then he stumbled to his feet with a groan, and walked into the stream, diving and disappearing beneath the surface.

Thor stared into the rushing water wide-eyed for several moments. “Loki!? _Loki!_ ” Only the sound of rushing water answered him.

Thor dashed into the stream, panicking. He dove beneath the surface, but could see nothing in the turbulent water. The cold pricked his skin, his fingers and toes were already going numb. He screamed his brother's name again and again, crying, feeling his strength draining from his body. The bank seemed miles away, and though he knew he should try to reach it, he felt too weak and refused to leave the stream without his brother. He kept calling for him, wailing, feeling the warmth of his tears on his shivering face. He wrapped his arms around himself as if he could hold his trembling body still, and ducked into the water as if it would protect him from the chilling breeze. It was now getting hard to breathe. Thor no longer had the strength to weep or holler, or even walk out of the water.

There was a splash behind him, then the sound of someone drawing a great breath. “You fool!” Loki gasped, “You'll freeze to death!” Loki lifted Thor in his arms roughly and carried him out of the stream, stumbling under the weight of his much larger older brother, and dropped him under the tree Sinir was tied to. He tore the saddle blanket off the horse and wrapped it around Thor. “This stream is fed from the River Iving flowing straight from Jotunheim! Just because Odin's magic keeps it from freezing doesn't mean it isn't as cold and fatal as the Elivager of Niffleheim! And here you are, a child of the sun, just bathing in it!?” Loki chided him as he dried Thor off with the rough blanket.

“I called for you! Where were you?!” Thor whined through uncontrollably chattering teeth.

Loki lifted a small talisman hanging from a chain on his neck. “It's my fetish stone,” Loki explained, pointing to a small fall upstream from them, “I keep it hidden under the rocks there, to soak in the magic Odin has enchanted the river with.” Loki smirked, “I think it's working, and I hope I'll be there to see the look on his face the day Odin finds out the river has finally frozen over.”

Loki laughed as he stripped out of his clothing and then got under under the blanket with Thor. “Now come here,” he said, and wrapped his arms and legs tightly around Thor. “Kiss me. Give me something to get going quickly before you're nothing but a corpse.” Loki chuckled as Thor immediately began covering his mouth with greedy, sloppy kisses. He wrapped his arms around Loki and began stroking him, eager for the warmth of his purr. It didn't take long. Loki's chest began to rumble as he allowed Thor to continue kissing him passionately, his mouth trailing down up and down Loki's neck and nibbling at the sensitive skin. He closed his eyes at the pleasure, feeling the rapture washing over him. No, he thought, I have to take care of Thor. “Stop!” he gasped, “That's enough!” Thor obeyed, tucking his head into Loki's neck and pressing himself as close as possible, soaking in the heat pouring at of his brother until it thawed his bones completely.


	7. Chapter 7

Thor rode home with his body pressed as tightly against his brother's warmth as possible. He and Loki slipped into the barn silently to avoid being seen and led Sinir to her stall. They hoped to make it to their beds without being detected, wanting to put off punishment until morning. A voice in the dark dashed these hopes.

“Lords,” the barn attendant said, “I regret to inform you that the queen has demanded that I report to her as soon as I see your persons. I must follow these orders now.”

“Yes, do as you must.” Loki replied regretfully, sighing. “So much for that,” Loki grumbled as he finished putting his mare up for the night, no longer caring about the noise he made.

They were met by their mother after they had taken only a few steps into the palace.

“Sons! Come here!”

They walked tentatively towards their mother, Loki dragging his brother in hand. They stepped under a lamp, and Loki was glad he had thought to remove their bruises and the dampness of their clothes with seidr before returning home as he saw her searching their faces. Her features were angry, but as she realized that her sons had returned to her unharmed, happy relief broke out in her face and she took them both into her arms gratefully, kissing their heads and praising the gods that had sent them back to her.

“You have no idea what kind of fear I have experienced this day.” She said, tearing herself away from them and trying to remember her anger, “Heimdall informed me that the two of you had been together since early this morning, and that your location had been hidden from him with the use of sorcery.” She shut her eyes, as if the words pained her too much to go on. “This means that when I came to your rooms this morning, I was being deceived, that my two sons both stood before me, one hiding himself from me with the help of the other, and the letter I received was a complete lie. And to think,” she turned to Loki, “that it was _I_ who encouraged you to hone your skills and supported your learning magic when others thought it dangerous. You have made me look like a fool, and as a mother who has given you the tools to betray me, I find it difficult to forgive myself. “And _you,_ ” she turned to Thor, “are meant to be the one to guide your younger brother, to teach him the ways of right and wrong. You have done your family a great disservice today.”

Frigga turned away from them, facing the entrance to the throne room as she remembered more of the day's events.

“If it weren't for the faith your father has in his sons' sense of self-preservation, a search party would have been called to find you two. It was with much effort that he convinced me to forget the idea.”

Thor and Loki both groaned.

“Yes,” she turned back to them, “your father knows of your disobedience, and has requested an audience with you both first thing tomorrow morning. Since it will be very sad for you to hear, I will tell you what he has decided, so that you may prepare yourselves to hear it from the king.” She dropped her eyes and frowned, “There will be changes in the amount of time you two will be permitted to spend in each others company. The king fears that your relationship has become too exclusive and hermetic. He would see you grow into more independent men, with interests and alliances of your own, each of you. For many years I have fought him on this point, but today I saw that I have been wrong. You both lead each other into trouble, and you care little for anyone _but_ each other. From now on, you will be forbidden to spend your free time isolated together. You must find other friends, and other pastimes. Both of you. I can't tell you how much it breaks my heart to tell you this.”

She sighed and relaxed her tense stance, wishing to shrug off the anxiety and bitter disappointment of the day. “Should I even bother to ask where you've been, or will I receive only lies? Why would you hide yourself from Heimdall?”

Thor cringed at the lies he knew Heimdall and Odin had told his mother. He wanted to defend Loki and speak the truth, but he knew it was not his place. He waited for his brother to speak.

“We were exploring the banks of the River Iving, and since it is forbidden to wander that close to Jotunheim, I concealed our persons. It was stupid of me.” Loki said.

“Yes it was. Very.” Frigga's face was momentarily filled with anger again, then returned to its tired sadness. “What's done is done. Now take yourselves to the baths and then promptly to bed. Food will be waiting in your chamber when you're finished.”

 

“This is all my fault. Everything.” Thor moaned, sinking into the steaming water.

Loki sat near him, scowling as his gazed into the soapy water. “Shut up,” he said, not allowing Thor to heap the guilt on himself in his typical, annoyingly chivalrous way.

“It's true, though. We were late because you had to save me from freezing to death, and the only reason we were out there at all was because of the marks on my neck. None of this would have happened if I hadn't been so stupid last night. I'm such an _idiot._ ”

“Yes, you _are_!” Loki said, “but that's not going to change so why sit here and whine about it?”

Thor shot a wounded glare back at Loki.

“What? Don't look at me like that. You may not see it but my face still smarts where you struck me repeatedly with your fists.” 

“I'm sorry about that, too.”

“Yes. You're sorry about _everything._ ”

Thor watched as Loki rose out of the water and stepped to his towel. As he wrapped it around his hips, he turned to see Thor ogling him.

“Well, are you going to mope in the bath all night? Or don't you want to come upstairs and enjoy what might be our last night together?” 

 

They both ate hungrily in their room, wondering with heavy hearts what exactly their father meant to lay on them the next day. Thor worried that he would scold and embarrass them in front of members of the court but Loki smirked at that, telling him it wouldn't matter since their closeness was already a favorite subject of gossip anyway. 

“That's not true,” Thor said, “no one would dare to speak ill of Odin's sons, and if they did, they would be sure for it not to reach the ears of one of us.”

Thor then considered what he had learned of Loki's powers that day as he heard his brother giggling.

“You can't read the thought of others, can you?” Thor asked.

“Sometimes,” Loki said, “If their minds are weak and I concentrate _really_ hard. And I can tell you, not many have a very high opinion of me.”

Thor was flabbergasted, then angry. “Who are these people and what do they say? I should teach them some respect...”

Loki laughed, “And what will you do, Thor? Bashing their skulls for thoughts I've stolen from their minds won't raise me in their esteem, I assure you.”

Thor relaxed after hearing Loki's wisdom, then another wonder took hold of him. “You can't read _my_ thoughts, can you?” 

“Are you kidding?” Loki chuckled, “Your skull's more dense than the head of Mjolnir. Nothing could penetrate it, not even good sense. Besides, I don't even _want_ to know what filthy things roam around in there.”

Loki's jibe brought another fear to Thor's mind. “Mjolnir! I'm supposed to receive its blessing at the end of this summer! What if Father refuses to give it to me after today?”

Loki, who had been chewing an apple, suddenly froze. He knew how much this upcoming event meant to Thor, and how crushed he would be if it didn't happen.

“He won't do that,” Loki whispered, though worry was evident in his voice. “The ceremony is already announced to the whole realm, and canceling it would be an embarrassment. If anything, he'll probably take all his fury out on -” Loki bit his tongue, realizing he had already caused enough trouble that day from badmouthing their father.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Loki said, “It's just, like I said in the baths, I can't help worrying that he will force us to take separate chambers.”

“No,” Thor said in a horrified voice, “he knows how important that is for you. That would be too cruel.”

“And Odin isn't cruel?” Loki asked, then cursed himself for being unable to bite his tongue again.

 

Thor turned out the light and crawled into bed. He was reluctant to reach for his brother after everything that happened that day, but Loki threw himself into his arms immediately. He squeezed him, never so thankful in his life. Loki squirmed as Thor began caressing him, and after a few breaths he began a gravelly purr. Thor was so delighted by it that he kissed his brother hard on the cheek. The purring cut out instantly.

“That hurts! My face is still thrashed from you! Why can't you remember that?” Loki snapped.

Thor whimpered a pathetic apology and laid his head on Loki's chest. His mind replayed the moment when he had his brother lying in the stream, and again he saw his fists pounding Loki's delicate face. It felt like another person. He replayed the memory once more, satisfying himself this time by pretending it was own face being pounded instead.

“Loki!” he said, sitting up.

“What?”

“I want you to hit me back. With your fist, as hard as you can.”

_“What?”_

“Hit me!”

“No!”

“Please! It will make me feel better. I can't stand what I did to you. I want you to hit me back.”

“I've already hit you! There's been plenty enough hitting today.”

“Loki, please -”

“Stop! You're being ridiculous.”

Thor gave up, and laid his head back on Loki's chest. “I'm so sorry for what I did. If I could take back one thing in my life it would be that!”

“I know,” Loki said, sighing, “I forgive you. If you want to make it up to me, just forget about it.”

Thor felt the urge to weep, and for the first time in many years, decided to encourage it rather than choke it back. He started sobbing, shamelessly making a show of himself.

Loki couldn't help chuckling softly. “Stop it. It's not that horrible.”

“Yes it is,” Thor blubbered, “I love you more than anything and I loathe myself for what I did!”

Loki wrapped an arm around Thor's face and pressed him close, then began combing his fingers through Thor's hair to soothe him. Thor hugged him back, drying his eyes against Loki's nightshirt as he calmed himself, satisfied that he had expressed his sorrow. He languished in the calm of his exorcised emotions as Loki stroked him in a strange reversal of their typical affections.

Thor held his breath as he heard was the tiniest purr coming from his brother's chest. It was bewildering because he was not stroking Loki, or doing any of the things he usually liked. He was just laying there on Loki's chest, being the recipient of the love that he usually gave to his brother, but it seemed to please Loki just as much.

Thor laid still to see if the purring would grow stronger. It did. Loki was still smoothing his hands over Thor's body and playing with his hair as if he didn't realize what was happening. After a few more moments, when Loki had somehow finally worked himself to a full purr, Thor lifted his face to look at him.

“Loki?” he whispered.

His response was a kiss. Loki pulled Thor toward him and kissed him fully on the lips. He moaned softly as he opened his mouth and kissed Thor again, giving him his tongue and the sweet wetness of his mouth.

Thor pulled away with effort to look into his brother's eyes. He wasn't there; he lost in his own passion. Without thinking, Thor mounted Loki, carefully placing one knee between his legs that Loki immediately grasped between his thighs. Thor smoothed the long black hair that lay messily around Loki's face so his elbows wouldn't yank it as he got ready to take Loki like he wanted him. Then he laid his body fully against him, feeling the warm vibrations beneath him as his brother's arms reached around and pulled him close for more kissing. 

They were noisy and messy, both of them struggling to breathe as they eagerly kissed each other and fought to have their own way with each others tongue and mouth. Thor eventually gave in as he become more focused on grinding into Loki's hot, vibrating body. They began moving in rhythm, Thor urging his cock to rub against Loki's to feel whether it was hard. Then he slipped his hand between them to reach for his own aching cock but got distracted when he felt Loki. He stroked him through the fabric of his pants, and Loki gasped into his mouth immediately. 

He was so hard, harder than Thor had ever felt himself before. It must be agonizing, Thor thought, as his brother shook beneath him with every pass his hand made up and down his length. Thor could only imagine how awful the teasing must be to him, but he couldn’t stop himself. He reached lower to feel his balls, cupping them and noticing how tight they were. Everything felt like it was ready to burst.

Thor wanted to make it happen. He knew it was the right thing to do, even if Loki didn't think so. He couldn’t just leave his little brother this way.

He reached inside the waist of his Loki's pants, his heart thumping, and took him in his hand. Loki moaned loudly, desperately.

Thor softly shushed his brother, then listened for a moment to make sure they wouldn't be checked on, gripping his brother's stiff length and realizing that, as he suspected, the purr could be felt all through it. 

He wanted to play with his brother some more, to see if he could work him and make him burst just the same as Thor was able to do to himself, but was too worried about the noise Loki might make. He jumped out of bed and tip-toed to the door, locking it to make sure they wouldn't be interrupted.

As he got back into bed, he saw his brother's glistening eyes full of something Thor couldn't quite put his finger on – was it fear, need, or confusion? He pulled Loki's pants off, wanting to be gentle though he could barely control his own excitement. He tried to determine if he was doing this for Loki's good or simply because _he_ wanted to, in which case it was wrong. _Very, very wrong._ It was hard to decide, and all he could really concentrate on was the sound of his brother's uneven purring.

Loki was now naked below the waist, and Thor had spread his legs and sat himself between them so that Loki was splayed in front of him. His raging erection pointed straight out and looked as worrying and undeniable as an open wound. He caressed his brother's stomach sweetly as he watched the swollen thing flopping around, helpless and in need of attention. He wanted to touch it so badly, to pull it and stroke it, to feel it thrumming in his hand, and finally to make it explode.

Then he made his decision.

“Just relax,” Thor whispered, his voice cracking from the heavy breathing that had built up a layer of phlegm in the back of his throat, “I'm going to make it better for you, I promise. This will all be over soon.”

He knew Loki couldn't really understand him, but it made him feel better to say it. Then he bent over and pecked his brother lightly beside his navel as he took Loki's erection in his hand, kissing goodbye another veil of innocence between them.

The skin of Loki's cock was soft and smooth, almost like velvet. He squeezed up and down the shaft, exploring him. Comparing it to his own cock, he wondered at how different it was and yet how similar. There were all the same parts – the scrotum with their balls in them, the long, veiny shaft, and the tip with its tiny hole already slippery with precome – but they were all slightly different. He imagined what it was like for Loki, who had known _this_ cock his whole life, who probably felt like Thor did, that his was the only normal cock in the universe and every other one was somehow _strange._ What was equally amazing, though, was that some of the same little things that felt good when he touched himself seemed to be good for Loki, too. As he stroked him, he imagined that he was touching himself, but that _he_ was somehow also Loki, that their cocks were the same and every time Loki gasped or moaned, Thor felt it inside more strongly than anything he had ever felt before when he touched himself.

He wanted to do it harder and faster. Remembering the previous night, he again dipped his fingers into Loki's mouth to catch some of the slippery liquid that had felt so good on himself. With his hands full of it, he placed a gentle thank-you-kiss on Loki's lips before coating his cock with it. Loki looked down, watching Thor as he got him ready. His eyes weren't empty, but they were lost, like an infant searching the alien world around him for meaning. He looked exactly like he had looked when Thor held him as a baby.

“It's me, Loki. I'm right here, you know you can trust me,” Thor said, “I would never let anything bad happen to you, I love you so much. I love you more than anything in my whole life. Please, please come for me...”

Thor began pumping his brother slowly and gently, feeling his legs tighten around his waist and his hips move with the rhythm of his hand. He kept it steady, focusing on the jerks and tremors he felt throughout Loki's body and the interruptions in his rolling purr as he was overwhelmed by Thor's work. Loki was coming apart, and Thor had to assure him that everything was all right. 

“I just want you to be happy, I know this is what you need. Please don't be scared, I'm right here with you. It's all right, just let it go, let it all go and you'll feel so much better. Please, I need to make you feel good, I need to make it good for you, just trust me...”

Thor let his hand alternate rhythms, going faster for a few a strokes and then squeezing harder and slowing down, just as he liked to do as he came close to the edge. Every time he changed the tempo, he heard Loki choking on his own cries, losing control of himself as the pleasure came in unexpected waves.

“Yes,” Thor said, “you're doing so good, Loki. I know you can do it for me. Come on, be good and come for me...”

Thor kept mumbling incoherently as he felt every muscle in his brother's body tensed and his face twisted into a horrifying grimace. He cried out and Thor felt something hot and wet hit his face. He was surprised momentarily until he realized what was happening. He could smell it, too, acrid and sour, and it kept coming, hitting Thor on the cheek and lips. Loki howled again and sat up, almost convulsing in his orgasm. He grabbed Thor roughly by the head of the hair and pushed him into his lap, scratching his back savagely with his other hand. Thor was scared, worried that something had gone wrong and he had maybe hurt his brother as his continued cries echoed loudly in the chamber. He opened his mouth to catch the rest of the semen as if erasing the evidence might lessen the wrong committed. It kept coming, unbelievable amounts, and Thor still squeezed on Loki's cock, now because he thought it might stop the flood that was filling his mouth.

When it was over, Loki's shaking body flopped backwards on the bed. He was shuddering but the purr was silenced and all that could be heard was his slowing breath. Thor swallowed the thickening spunk in his mouth and thought about how different it tasted from his own. It was thicker, stronger. He still couldn't move, though Loki was already rolling onto his side, exhausted and spent. 

Thor had only a moment to enjoy his success. Soon there were footsteps in the hall and a knock on the door. Terror.

Thor threw the blanket over Loki's nakedness and ran to the door before anyone would find that it was locked. He unlocked it and opened it fast enough that they wouldn't hear the bolt, and was relieved that it was the night watchmen in the hall instead of one of his parents.

“Is everything well? I heard a scream...”

“Yes,” Thor said, “thank you for responding. It was only my brother, having a nightmare. I've already calmed him, and he's back asleep.”

The guard poked his head in to see Loki's sleeping body, then bowed and left, satisfied.

That had been close. He threw back the covers on the bed and searched for his brother's pants. For a moment he panicked, unable to locate them until he found them tangled in the sheets. Before he replaced them he gently cleaned Loki using his own shirt and water from the pitcher they kept in their chamber. It hurt him to realize that no matter how happy the experience was for him, Loki would be livid if he found out. It was hard to see if anything else was soiled in the darkness, but he would have to take his chances. He laid back down in bed and gathered Loki in his arms. His brother snuggled up to him as naturally as it should be, for they hadn't slept a night apart since he had been in his crib.


	8. Chapter 8

Thor had tangled dreams. They clung and scraped at each other, his purest ideals batted about by his darkest cravings. 

He was awakened by the intense need to sneeze.

Loki was teasing his lips and nostrils with wisps of hair, laughing as he he saw his brother's eyes adjust to the bright light of another Asgardian morning.

“Ah, there he is! Arise, my blue-eyed, golden prince. Father is already seated on his throne and eager to commence our scolding. Chop-chop!” Loki clapped and jumped from the bed to twirl and dance around the room in a joyful way which was most uncharacteristic for him at this, or really any hour of the day. 

Thor rubbed his eyes as he watched what he thought must be a hallucination of his brother, and when Loki saw the bewilderment he was causing Thor he laughed and said, “Yes, brother! I feel as fresh and as vibrant as a debutante at her coming-out ball! I slept wondrously last night. Ill behavior must suit me very well. And to think,” Loki went on after he threw himself heavily on the bed, causing Thor to bounce, “that I should feel this fine after night-terrors. The guard said he had heard me screaming last night, and had spoken to you when he responded to the cries. Is it true?”

“Yes, Thor said, his eyes darting away, “I was quite terrified for you.”

“Funny. I don't remember anything but warmth and emptiness.” Loki rolled onto his side and gave Thor a mischievous grin, “Maybe it was a succubus that came to visit me last night, and the cries were me begging her not to leave as she tore herself from my arms.” Loki giggled as he dramatically tossed himself on top of Thor, then gasped, “Or...” he said, using his gravelly tone, “maybe it was an _incubus_! Do you think I could be so devious as to let a demon make me _ergi_ ? And you, by my side the whole time? Thor, how _could_ you!” He laughed loudly as Thor threw him off, uncomfortable with the truth hiding in Loki's jokes.

“That's enough!” He shouted, jumping out of bed and carelessly pulling his clothes over his head. “You know I hate that word. I don't understand what's got into you this morning, but you need to correct your manner before we face Father. I won't have extra punishments laid on me because you feel like being silly!”

 

Odin was content to glare at his sons for several moments as they stood before him without saying anything. Was he overwhelmed with anger, or just considering his lies before he passed down undeserved punishments? Thor was desperate to glance over at his brother, to see that he wasn't smirking and to guess what he was thinking, but he didn't dare to take his eyes off of his father, or give the least sign that he was thinking of anything but remorse.

“There isn't much I can express to you that your mother hasn't already,” Odin finally began. “You know the wrong you've done. I have been blessed with two sons who love each other dearly, and would undoubtedly go to the ends of creation for one another. Unfortunately, over the past seven hundred years, I have watched them build a private fantasy world in which there are only two citizens. In this imagined world, there seems to be no honor, no responsibilities, and no one for them to give a damn about except one another!”

Odin paused to give either of his sons a chance to protest, but they both wisely remained silent.

“Your days of play are over! Manhood beckons you both, and I will see that you answer her call with clear minds and dutiful hearts. This means you will now fill your days learning to become warriors, diplomats and leaders worthy of this – very _real_ \- realm. You will train _separately_ , since you've already demonstrated that you can't even sit through arithmetic lessons in each other's presence without causing disorder.”

Loki finally could not resist the urge to laugh. He stifled it, but received his father's wrath anyway.

 _“Silence!_ ” Odin threw an angry finger in the offending son's direction, causing Loki to flinch. “This is no jest. Your lives as you knew them have come to an abrupt end! You will learn to adjust to your new lives as noble princes, or you will be cast out from my home!”

They were led away from the throne room separately to begin their day. Loki, regardless of his distaste for it, would be put through combat training the same as Thor, which probably meant that Thor would also have to sit through scholarly lessons without the assistance of his brother. But at least he would start the day by enjoying the company of his friends, he thought, until he realized he was to work alone with a rather merciless and critical instructor who spent most the lesson recounting his own past triumphs when he fought beside Odin and comparing Thor's techniques to his father's. As the man droned on Thor began to hear shouts and laughter in the distance where his friends were sparring. A voice never before heard on the training grounds was shouting triumphantly above the others. It was Loki. Thor wished he could join the rabble and watch his brother spar instead of being stuck listening to an old man's war stories, but above his head, perched on a high balcony, was his father, watching everyone.

It wouldn't be long before he saw his brother, though. Thor performed a few more exercises with the old warrior and they were interrupted by two frowning tutors that had Loki between them, smiling and obviously pleased with himself. He bowed to Thor and wore the most dangerous grin on his face when he stood again, flipping his long hair behind him playfully.

“This young man seems to feel he is beyond the rules of these grounds,” one of the tutors said. “I thought it wise to bring him to train with someone who can demonstrate the petty value of magic against a true warrior.”

Loki was pushed forward by the speaker and almost fell into the dirt. He regained his balance and smiled politely at the old man, then turned to Thor, “I hope you'll forgive me for what I've done to your playmates. Seems I just don't know my own strength,” he said with a pretended naivete.

“Bind yourself,” the old instructor said, throwing two golden bracelets at him.

Loki laughed at the shimmering rings in his hand. “Do you _actually_ think these can -” he stopped himself, and looked around nervously before grinding his jaw and clasping them to his wrist. 

Thor tried to hide his excitement. He knew the bracelets were probably useless on Loki and couldn't wait to see him use some trick to land the bitter old soldier on his behind. To his disappointment, however, a palace servant appeared beside him and cleared his throat.

“Prince Thor,” he whispered close to Thor's ear, “your presence is requested in the palace. Come with me.” 

Thor groaned and turned to follow, but heard his brother's voice behind him.

“It's Father,” Loki said, glancing up at the balcony where the man stood. “He has more to say about our little foray that he doesn't want me to hear.”

The servant spun around to and stared at Loki in disbelief, “That - the matter is private!”

“Of course,” Loki said, winking at Thor.

They passed the healing room where he saw Sif, Fandral, and Hogun waiting at the entrance. Fandral was limping, supporting himself against Hogun who seemed to be in barely better condition with a split lip and a swollen eye. Sif as well was decorated in cuts and scrapes which graced her arms, bare legs and even her forehead. She glared at Thor as he walked by her, daring him to speak.

“Well, well,” Thor began, meeting her challenge, “I see we must have some mighty warrior visiting us, perhaps a storm giant or even an entire army of them, for I can see no other reason why Asgard's greatest young soldiers should be so badly injured from a routine sparring exercise...”

“- Hold your tongue!” she shot back. “That trickster brother of yours will learn honorable fighting techniques if I have to teach them to him with a sharp blade! Volstagg may be indisposed on the healing bed for the entire day!”

Thor heard the familiar groan of his old friend within and allowed himself one last chuckle before straightening his face for the Allfather.

Odin was alone watching the training yard. Below, Loki was practicing with the old tutor, moving with a careless swagger as he lazily used his weapon against the old man and caused him to stumble and pant. Thor grinned with pride but noticed that his father's face only expressed sadness and worry.

“That an untrained boy could make so much work for a veteran warrior says something about one of the two,” Thor observed merrily.

Odin's eyes flashed at Thor. “I see nothing but a foolish child without a modicum of respect or desire for anything but vexing those who wish to teach him. He is a cheat, and he flaunts an advantage that inspires distrust - rightly so. Is this how you think a prince should behave?”

“No, father,” Thor dropped his eyes, “of course not.”

“I wish I could believe that you were being truthful, but in my heart I know that you admire him. You cannot fathom the fear that it causes me when I think of your future!” Odin turned away from the scene below in disgust as Loki giggled and offered to help the old tutor to the healing room where the rest of his vanquished combatants were gathered.

“You must learn to be a master to him!” Odin said, “It is right that you love him but he is your _subject_ , not your equal. You cannot allow him to influence you, because if he knows that he has that power he will use it! You see his penchant for madness and disorder and I cannot allow such forces to influence the mind of my successor!”

Thor felt a flare in his chest and his eyes rose to Odin's face for only a second before he returned them to the stone floor of the balcony. He was breathing heavily through his nostrils, trying to contain his anger. The word 'master' reminded him of the fight he wanted so badly to forget. He regretted insisting that he was Loki's master and now his father was telling him that such an attitude was right. But Odin had also once taught him that to be king was a duty and a burden, not a privilege to believe yourself above others. So which was it?

The insinuation that Loki would ever do anything to harm Thor or their family was what hurt the most, though. How could running away for a day to the wood possibly lead his father to think Loki was capable of treason?

Thor bit his cheek to keep himself from saying something that would make the situation worse. 

“Thor, to be a king of the people you must be a man of them as well. You must engage them, become a part of them. Your brother _cannot_ be your only companion. It is...” Odin visibly cringed and whispered, “ _unnatural._ ”

Thor's face burned with embarrassment. He looked up to see his father turned away from him.

“I only have your best interests in mind,” Odin said, and then bowed before leaving Thor on the balcony.

 

The rest of the day Thor had spent indoors, immersed in, or more accurately, harassed with, academic study. Symbols and equations flew through his mind, never landing with any discernible meaning. He had no idea how Loki could excel in these studies and be so victorious in the sparring ring. How did his father expect him to be the master of a younger brother who was so obviously superior to him?

Soaking his muscles in the hot bath that evening, it was his aching head that he most wished to soothe. He wished he could breathe underwater and turn himself upside down in the steaming pool.

Loki's bare feet appeared at the edge of the bath. Thor smiled up at him, remembering his performance on the training grounds as well as the sound of his moans from the night before. He edged the rim of the pool, glancing suspiciously at Thor as if he knew what was on his mind. Finally he stepped in, keeping his towel over his groin until he was ready to drop quickly into the water. 

Thor chuckled, “Your modesty still astounds me, Loki.”

“And your fascination with it astounds _me._ ”

Thor watched as Loki adjusted himself comfortably and began using his finger to draw little swells out of the water, tiny ripples that he liked to mesmerize himself and Thor with during bath time. It was an old trick, one he had learned as a child but now was able to create complex, intricate designs that could almost be called an art. 

“And how has your day been, brother, since last I saw you?” asked Thor.

“Rather productive, I must say,” Loki answered, still focusing on his ripples. “I managed to get myself banished from the training grounds for a period of ten years, which is actually more than I was hoping for, and then both my arithmetic and my history instructors resigned their posts in less than an hour after my lessons began. _That's_ a record, even better than when you and I were working together. Tomorrow I am restricted to my chamber, and the day following, I will be introduced to my new language instructor, who, Father informed me, will be supplied with a whip. I have no doubt we two shall have a lot of fun together.”

Thor already had occasion to learn about the turmoil caused by Loki's misbehavior. Their father was beside himself with frustration, but here Loki sat, as cool and easy as Thor had ever seen him. All the anger and nervous worry that often cast a cloud over him was gone - Loki seemed content, his brow smooth and his eyes glowing with energy and intelligence. Odin was right; it was in his nature to make trouble, but it was nothing that ever came to any dire consequence. He was only fighting to have control over his own occupation and development – not starting a war or defiling their family's name. And it was refreshing to those around him - every servant in the palace was flush with laughter from retelling Loki's wild antics that day. In a way, he seemed to do some good.

Thor remembered how he had begged Loki to control himself that morning, and he had, but only when they first stepped foot in front of Odin. Had Loki only held himself back for Thor? And what had put him in such a lively mood that day? 

The grimace his brother's unconscious face wore during his almost terrifying orgasm suddenly appeared in Thor's mind. It was a revelation - Thor had _relieved_ him. _Cured_ him, even. Loki was himself now, full of his own unrestrained life. And it was Thor's doing. He had given him that ability to breathe freely.

Thor felt a pang of jealousy. Why should he have to sit back and be the good, obedient son while Loki had all the fun? He wanted to cause a little trouble of his own.

Loki was still working his magic on the opposite side of the pool, silent and peaceful, keeping to himself. Thor had had enough of that. He dipped deep into the water and pushed to Loki's end, rising up and seating himself beside him.

“So you think yourself a warrior, now, do you,” Thor teased, “after you've taken down every one of my friends and teachers... with magic -”

“- With _earned skill,_ ” Loki corrected.

“- but you still haven't taken _me_ down. Do you think you can?”

“Oh, Thor. I wouldn't try. Your pride is too dear to me.”

“But what if I challenged you?”

“Then I pray you would do it when no one is around, for your sake.”

“Well, there is no one about right now, so this is a prime opportunity.” 

The ripples finally fell flat, and Loki turned to his brother with a face full of bored curiosity. Only Loki could express such an impossible condition.

“I challenge you, now, to a sword fight,” Thor proclaimed.

Loki blinked a few times, as if he was dutifully trying to muster energy for a trial he was still not understanding or caring about. “At the risk of sounding like a simpleton,” he said, “I ask you - what swords do you mean for us to fight with?”

Thor was palming his cock beneath the clear water and making no effort to hide his lewd activity. He rubbed his lips together, trying not to lose the audacity he would need to keep this going. He wanted to make his brother come again, this time with eyes wide and seeing, conscious of of the dam that had to be broken for him to really be himself. He couldn't understand why Loki respected no rules except the ones surrounding the _ergi_ taboo – especially when he had hated it so much as a child.

Loki eyes slowly lowered until they saw Thor's hands beneath the water, “Hmm,” Loki said, still playing at a bored attitude though he pushed an arm's length away from Thor.

Thor closed the distance immediately and wrapped an arm around Loki's shoulders to keep him from escaping again.

“I want to show you a game,” he breathed heavily into Loki's ear. “You like games, don't you? I know you do. And you like to make sure you always win. But you can't cheat your way out of this one. _I_ have the advantage...”

Loki eyes darted back and forth as he listened, staring at the opposite end of the pool. Thor held on to him tighter, knowing he would soon make another attempt to flee.

“...I know how it makes you feel, to be this close to me,” Thor continued, “I know it _bothers_ you. But rather than be a coward about it -”

Loki's eyes turned directly on Thor, angry.

“- you could try to show me how well you can contain yourself.”

“You're _sick_ ,” Loki hissed. “You must be. I don't know what kind of perversion you're planning but challenging my bravery isn't going to -”

Thor rose slightly and placed one knee on the other side of Loki's thigh, caging him between his legs and pinning down his shoulder with one hand. His other hand was still occupied beneath the water.

Loki glanced frantically around the bath; Thor couldn't make out whether he was seeking help or ensuring that no one was there to witness his predicament.

“It's only a game, Loki – a game all youths play,” Thor lied. He had just dreamed this madness up himself. “You've missed out on so much, but now I'm going to show you. I want to see if you can excel at this as you do in all other things.”

Loki was flushed and tense; beneath the surface Thor could see the tumescent condition of his penis, pointing upward in direct disobedience of it's owner's will. Thor had worked himself to a similar state and gripped the base of his cock, touching the swollen head gently against Loki's shaft and sliding it tenderly along the surface. They both shuddered.

“Take yourself in hand, Loki,” Thor whispered in his brother's ear, “and fight me. We shall see who can outlast the other. If you remain passive, you will surely succumb. You must fight.”

Loki brought a trembling hand to his cock and gripped it as his brother was doing. “You know I can't hope to compete with you this way,” he said, his eyelids growing heavy, “I already feel myself slipping...”

Loki's head lolled to one side as Thor continued rubbing his glans up and down Loki's shaft. “You must resist it, Loki. If you can resist the Allfather you can keep your wits about you now. Focus, Loki.”

Loki struggled to re-open his eyes. He winced as soon as he looked beneath the water at the sight of he and Thor's swollen members sliding against one another, and turned to the side. “I can't do this, Thor. I just -”

From where his hand held Loki's shoulder, Thor could feel his breath dragging roughly in and out of his body. The purr was building within him, about to take control. Thor grabbed Loki's face and turned it back toward the water and the inflaming sight of their genitals.

“You'll watch this as I have to, otherwise it's cheating.” Thor admonished his brother as he continued teasing their cocks, precome leaking from both in thin, milky strings. Loki's eyes tried to focus as he stared at the filthy display, his face full of pain and disgust.

“You're not even trying, Loki,” Thor said as he matched the length of their sexes and drove his glans between Loki's testicles, then squeezed their hardnesses together in his hand. “If you knew how badly I've craved to see you like this,” Thor whispered, “you would realize how easily I might lose.”

Loki stared back with dilated eyes, and Thor could see him trying to gather himself behind the intoxicated black pools. He ground forward and then pulled himself out of Thor's hands to take control. He presses the slippery head of his cock against Thor's so that their leaking slits slid together in a kiss. A wave fell over Thor when he saw his brother engaging his desire for the first time, awake and willing. Loki's eyes closed again, he was losing himself, but Thor urged him to fight on as they stroked their tortured cocks against one another.

“Stay with me, Loki. I know you can do this. I want you to know what this feels like.” Thor gripped Loki's neck as tightly as he did his own cock, watching his brother's eyes grow ever bigger as he he clung on to his consciousness, gritting and whimpering. They pushed their bodies closer, until Thor could feel the hardness of Loki's nipples against his own, and he inhaled his brother's breath. Loki's glans was purple and tormented, swollen with blood when he finally came, screaming into Thor's ear as he tried to push away from him. 

Loki lost himself, spraying semen directly over Thor's cock. The feeling was exquisite, and Thor watched it with relish before he began pumping himself furiously and returned the favor, bathing Loki's softening prick in his come. As his orgasm washed over him, he loosened his grip on Loki and was pushed off. Loki walked out of the pool, stumbling but no longer concerned with his nudity.

“I won,” Thor said, getting Loki's attention before he was left behind without a word. “But maybe you will have better luck in some future event?”

“Yes,” Loki said, turning to Thor, “since my bathing schedule is set to change, maybe I will learn some pointers from the palace guards. It's a popular game, you say? Well, then, I'm sure there are many strategies for me to learn.”

Thor sat back in the pool, jilted and sore. He listened to Loki's bare feet pad out of the bath, then watched strings of coagulating semen twirl in the cooling water for several moments before abandoning the polluted pool as well.


	9. Chapter 9

After Loki's childhood trick with the Destroyer, he was banished from any visits to the vault. The only exception that rule was if he was taken by Odin, and that had happened only once. Odin had been imbibing and was in a story-telling mood, so he decided to relay the tale of the war in Jotunheim while he had the boys admire the stolen Casket of Winters. It was most uncomfortable for Loki, especially when Thor threw his fists in the air and swore he would “kill all the monsters himself,” but Loki knew this was nothing more than him showing off for the old man. At least he had been spared the fake adoption story.

As he grew older, one thing Odin had said to them that day stuck out in his mind. His father told them that only one of them could become king, though both were worthy of the position. Was that an early attempt to drive Loki and Thor apart? He thought so for many years, and always felt proud when Odin saw how devoted Thor had remained to him. But now that Loki had begun to suspect the truth of who and what he _really_ was, he no longer believed that could have been Odin's intention. Perhaps Odin's tongue had been loosened by mead, and he was letting half-truths fall out of his mouth carelessly. One thing Loki knew for sure was that he _had_ been born to rule, but not in the land he was brought to. His birthright had been robbed from him when Odin kidnapped him from the ice world.

Hundreds of years later, Loki still seethed when he thought of what Odin said in the vault. To be fair, Loki seethed almost whenever Odin spoke, as he was doing now, telling the story of how he cleverly cheated the mighty laborer, who truly built the Bifrost, out of his promised reward.

Today was the celebration of the Bifrost's completion, and Odin was indulging himself along with every guest. The best mead was flowing, and the Allfather seemed to feel the effects as he told of the trials and adventures brought by the grand project to connect the realms. The feast hall was packed with laughing, mead-flushed faces, all bursting with cheer. Loki refused to drink; he had learned that on these occasions the best way to annoy others was to blight the jolly atmosphere with a sour and sober countenance. It was just another form of mischief, really.

Thor was beside him, reeking of drunkenness and pulling on his arm.

“Loki, you must drink! Father is permitting it!”

“Which is exactly why I am not,” Loki replied, “I drink only when it is forbidden.”

Thor groaned and left to join his friends, and Loki watched jealously from his seat at the table. He considered joining them, but when he saw Thor playfully pull Sif into his lap and attempt to tickle her, he turned away, now truly irritated.

It reminded him of Thor's increasingly lascivious petting. Every night, when Loki sank into his arms, eager for the love his body needed, he could feel how changed Thor's caresses had become. Even during the day, Thor seduced him almost every time they were alone with his ridiculous games and challenges. It disgusted him, just thinking about them, but he could never resist. The smell of Thor's excitement took hold of his senses and he gave in, Thor's hands on his cock bringing him out of himself until he released his seed. He couldn't understand how Thor had so easily accepted his perverted desires, but assumed that Loki being an adopted brother had something to do with it.

There was a time he hated being without Thor, or having to share his company with other people. Those days were gone. The worst of it was, Loki wanted it. He knew he would want it for the rest of his life, long after Thor moved on, found a woman, and eventually became ashamed of the things he had done to his brother. It would ruin their friendship and intimacy. And Loki, having to remember the games they played, would dream about them for he rest of his existence. It would all be easier if the foolishness had never started, and if his dreams of Thor were fantasy instead of memory.

There was no denying the effect Thor had on his body. Every morning when he woke up, he found dried seed in his garments. Just being close to him must bring him to climax, he assumed, because Thor's idiotic sense of honor wouldn't allow him to take advantage of Loki while in his raptured state. When he thought of the games, though, he would begin to doubt his confidence in this assumption. There was no harm done yet, however, and Loki was grateful that Thor still had no idea how men had intercourse with each other. Loki was smart enough not to enlighten him on the subject.

Suddenly Loki felt a heaviness on his shoulder. It was a hand, firm but gentle, a touch he had never felt before. He was surprised when he turned around and saw his father.

“Son, come. Let us make our way down to the weapons vault. It has been long since you have seen our family's victorious trophies.”

Loki rose from the table, knowing he had no other choice. Thor was beckoned as well, and Odin leaned on both of them as they stumbled their way to the vault.

They descended the stairwell and entered the great doors. The two guards were dismissed and invited to take a cup of mead in the feast hall. They toured Odin's collection of deadly knick-knacks, listening as he retold the same stories word-for-word that Loki remembered the last time he stood in this room. Bored, he looked down at the end of the vault where stood the Casket, and beyond that, the grated wall behind which the Destroyer slept. He smirked to himself, thinking that he was the last one to give the beast a chance to play. He felt sorry for the thing, and hoped the future might give him a few chances to let it live again.

After babbling on about the clairvoyant orb and the useless cube - the shell that once held the Tesseract - Odin stopped in front of the Eternal Flame. This was another favorite story of his to tell, how he fought beside his father Bor to take it from Surtur, and keep it to guard the safety of the Nine Realms. Loki often wondered how safe the rest of the universe felt with Odin possessing so much power, and why he had been permitted to appoint himself guardian of all worlds. He was a bully, Loki concluded, and no one was willing to challenge him.

Odin approached another of his prizes, the Infinity Gauntlet, once worn by Thanos. It's huge size was a reminder of the villain's terrible body, which intimidated even Loki. The glove itself was only another antique, but the gems inside were the most powerful objects in the vault. Only two gems studded the Gauntlet, the red gem of power and the green gem of soul, but Odin was nonetheless proud.

He told the story of Nemesis, the first being, who encompassed all the power and energy of existence. Since she was truly everything, she was lonely, and no longer wished to live. She ended her existence, splitting herself apart to create the universe. The six Infinity Gems were all that was left of her, and when they were joined, they granted the user limitless powers.

Loki could not resist correcting his father's story. As Odin was about to begin explaining the properties of each gem, he spoke up.

“Six?” Loki interrupted. “Only six, Father? I believe you are mistaken. There is a seventh, is there not?”

The silence was palpable. The happy flush of Odin's face fell away as he was sobered by Loki's disturbing words. Loki enjoyed the effect and decided to push on.

“Yes, I believe I'm right,” Loki said, putting a finger to his chin as if he was searching his mind. “There's Power, Soul, Space, Time, Mind, Reality, and E -”

“- _Silence!_ ” 

Thor and Loki both jumped at the sound of Odin's voice. He lurched forward and grabbed Loki's collar, lifting him off the ground as he pulled him to his chest.

“Where did you hear this lie? _Where!_ ” Odin's face was an inch from Loki's, staring into his eyes as if searching for the truth.

“It's – it's only a rumor,” Loki stammered. “I don't know where I heard it -”

“- _Lying!_ ”

“I promise, Father, please...” Loki placed a hand over his father's fist. “I can't remember.”

Odin threw his son on the floor of the vault with enough force to make him slide. Loki knew not to get up when Odin walked forward to speak down at him.

“There is no Ego Gem, understood?” he growled. “The seventh stone is a lie! You will forget this, both of you!” Odin said, turning to Thor. “You will never speak of it again!”

Odin remained standing over his trembling son on the floor for a few moments to gather himself. He stared past the walls of the vault, deep in some painful memory. 

“Now out of my vault, both of you!”Odin turned away from them and walked down the aisle of the vault, clasping his hands behind him. Thor helped his brother to his feet, then taking his hand led him quickly out of the vault.

* * *

Neither of them returned to the feast. Loki did not voice his wish to be alone because he knew it was pointless. At least Thor had the good sense to stay quiet and softly caress him as he did when they were children. It was soothing, but Loki didn't want to be soothed. He wanted to bottle his anger up and use it later as a weapon against his enemy. But as he felt Thor's hands on him, felt the love and concern pouring out of his fingertips, the anger subsided enough for him to speak.

“I hate myself for being so afraid him,” Loki admitted.

“I was afraid, too,” Thor said, then after a thoughtful pause, “I was afraid for you. I was angry. I wanted to help you, to tell him to stop, but I felt frozen to the spot.”

Loki turned to look into Thor's eyes. “I should have stood up to him. We both should have. We're almost men now, together we're stronger than him. He's only an old man, and a fool. He doesn't know what I could do to him.” 

Loki turned his face to the ceiling, allowing his imagination to mend the embarrassment he had suffered in the vault. “I could have stopped his heart. Sent him straight into his damned sleep. Everyone would have blame the mead. Down in the vault, there would have been no witnesses. He sent the guards away himself, so no suspicion. Then I would finally be free of his hatred and you,” Loki turned back to his brother and whispered, “ you would holding Gungir in your hand right now, seated on the throne. A boy king, but a better -”

“- I've told you never to speak like this!” Thor said, roughly taking Loki's head and pressing his palm over his mouth, “Why do you not obey? Your words frighten me.”

Loki could see that Thor would have done nothing, would even have protected Loki from suspicion, if he had done what he wished he had. 

“They frighten you because you know you want it, too,” Loki said once Thor had released him.

“That's not true!” Thor hissed back angrily. “Why would I kill my father for his throne when he means to hand it to me when I am ready?”

Loki laughed. “He'll never release his throne to you. You'll never be king as long as he lives, I promise you that.” 

“Why do say these things to me? Why do you wish to turn me against him?”

“I only wish for you to see him as I do. He is manipulative, secretive, untrusting. You saw how he was tonight. He hides so much, and he protects it with brute violence.”

“What was it he was hiding tonight? What were you speaking of – this Ego Gem?”

“Forget about it Thor, like I said, it's only a rumor.”

“What power does it possess?” Thor pressed on.

Loki sighed and closed his eyes. “The most terrifying. If it is combined with all six other gems, it will reform Nemesis, which would be the end of everything.”

“What if it _isn't_ a rumor?” Thor asked. “What if Father _is_ hiding it? But then, why wouldn't he keep it in the vault?”

“Because that's the first place anybody would look for it.”

“No one could survive the vault!”

Loki gave Thor an incredulous smirk. “Those who would want it wouldn't care. There are those with nothing but raw power and a death wish. Someone who had the rest of the stones would need only a moment to combine them and end existence right there in the vault.”

Loki watched bafflement take hold of Thor's face. It was endearing how he couldn't understand such a dark notion.

Loki laughed. “Don't worry, brother. I told you, the Ego Gem doesn't exist. It's only a tale, like the ones we told each other children. I brought it up to the old man to start trouble. I had no idea he would react like that. He was drunk, and probably didn't like me commandeering his story.” 

Thor was obviously not convinced; his eyes were wide with worry and confusion.

“Kiss me,” Loki whispered, wanting to clear Thor's thoughts. He smiled, and waited for Thor to press their lips firmly together. It was a strong but chaste kiss like the ones they shared as children. Immediately he could feel the comforting effect of Thor's affection. It felt like a drug spreading throughout his body, lightening the weight of his soul and soothing his body and mind. He wrapped his arms around Thor's neck and pulled him close, purring softly even though Thor was too distracted to stroke him. He fell asleep, still clothed, while Thor lay awake and tried to unravel his mind from Loki's awful tale.


	10. Chapter 10

Summertime.

Loki sighed tiredly as he looked on at the sparse and shrinking slivers of ice that remained, swirling on the surface of the water as they shriveled to nothing. He steeled himself for the few minutes of suffering he would have to endure while he waited for the servants to replenish the bath. When he stood up in the tub, he immediately felt the heat of the Asgardian summer day attacking his skin. Truly, this was no land for Jotunkind. He wrapped a thin, clinging sheet around his hips and stumbled to the call rope to yank it. The servants that responded were armed with buckets of broken ice; they knew already what the prince's request would be.

It took the labor of several men to keep Loki supplied with ice water throughout the day. The ice had to be broken into small bits that were comfortable enough lay in, then delivered to the prince's chamber whenever he rang for it. Fresh ice melted quickly in the summer heat and copious amounts of it were required to fill the luxury-sized tub. There was a crew of servants whose day was devoted to this one task, in spite of the fact that Loki was more than capable of keeping water at a temperature desirable for his purposes with some rudimentary spells he had long since mastered. 

The truth was simple – he hated the men whose task this was, and it was worth the waiting and the suffering to see them perform a job he knew they despised.

Many decades ago these men had greatly (though indirectly) impacted his life. He was only just becoming a young man when the summer heat had become totally devastating. His mother had charged the ablest servants with maintaining the prince's ice bath, broad-shouldered men who were more suited to the environment of a battlefield than an ailing prince's bedchamber. They certainly resented the responsibility, and wore hard and unmasked frowns when the queen was not present. It was the way they looked at him that had first stirred a desire in Loki to know what lay beneath an expression, in the heart of a person. As they filled the tub, the young Loki watched the men, imagining that he could penetrate their skulls and know their secrets. 

And then he did. It was almost too easy.

 

Could _seidr_ be used to keep his ice in the state he wanted? Of course, but then how could he punish the servants for their stupidity? He had learned more than just the amount of time required to keep his tub filled when he read one of the servants' thoughts. He had also seen his hatred and resentment for Loki. To the servant he was a lowly Jotun, an orphan and likely a bastard, but he was expected to be waited on as a true prince by Aesir men. He heard the ugliest names and curses for his kind in the man's thoughts. He looked into the minds of the rest of the crew and saw all the same loathing. As they smiled and bowed to him, Loki knew that each of them wished him nothing but unhappiness. And if he were to use his skills to save the brutes from their work? Would it earn him any love? No. Then he would be an _ergi_ trickster, as deplorable as a frost giant.

It wasn't the first time he had been confronted with the reality of Aesir hatred for himself. He had also seen what was in the hearts of his father's members of court. It was the same distrust and irritation. In fact, outside of his mother and his brother, he seriously doubted that anyone in this realm wished him anything but ill.

On the bed where he waited was a tunic half-hidden in the crumpled sheets next to him - Thor's. He brought the garment to his face and inhaled the scent of his brother's body. His eyelashes fluttered as he let it fill his lungs.

The summers were worse with every passing year, and now that he was almost a man, the daytime heat could make him almost ill. To make matters worse, Thor had gone away with his friends on a long hunting trip a fortnight before. He was already feeling the effects of the separation – the depression and the restlessness that didn't seem to abate the exhaustion from the heat – and he still had another two weeks to suffer through before Thor's return. 

He couldn't work and he couldn't sleep. All that was left was to think.

He took another breath through his nostrils slowly, taking as much of Thor's stink into his body as he could. Whatever soothing effect it had only lasted the time it took to let the breath out again, so he threw the teasing article away from him. Damn this hateful bond, he thought.

He imagined Thor, probably without a care in the world, guzzling mead out of a leather sack as his horse ambled along the River Iving. Would he think of Loki when he came to the spot where they had had that terrible row so many years ago? Of course not. Not with Mjolnir at his hip and his jolly idiot friends at his side. 

His flawless memory seemed to provide Loki with as many advantages as it did sorrows. Dark moments, the ones that would be happily forgotten, remained to him as sharp and as bitter as the pain of his brother's heavy fists. But unlike a cut lip and a bruised cheek, Loki was unable to heal himself from the pain of memories.

Two weeks ago, when Thor was preparing for departure on his month-long journey, he couldn't keep his hands or his mouth off of Loki. It was like struggling with a wild animal. Loki had become a pet, a piece of property, it seemed. Thor no longer seemed to care about Loki's thoughts or concerns, or even his consent. When Loki spoke, Thor looked on him like he was speaking a foreign tongue, though his physical attentions had never been more fervent. It seemed as though this had all began when he received Mjolnir, walked between throngs of adoring citizens celebrating his passage into legend before he was even a man, and found reason to think himself a god. Now Loki was a possession. A beloved one albeit, but one whose desires, opinions, and emotions no longer held import.

The servants were finished. As they bowed to him, he could see only glares of hate emanating from their hearts. They departed, and Loki returned to the icy bath. 

It seemed that he could only perceive ugliness everywhere he looked. Even as he reminded himself that the heat and the absence of his bonded partner were the cause, he couldn't help thinking it was simply a veil that had been taken from his eyes. 

Why was he so hated for his heritage, when it was nothing he had control over? He didn't petition for the frost giants, nor did he show any affinity for their traditions; in fact, he had never shown interest for them at all. He kept his sympathies for them entirely secret, even from his brother. He still couldn't understand why they were so reviled – he knew it had to do with their attempted siege on Midgard but really, was it such a crime? The humans were primitives, they hadn't even the capacity to look beyond their own tiny galaxy and worse, they were perhaps the only known race that regularly warred within it's own kind. The Jotuns needed to expand, and their designs were no different than eradicating rabbits from a field before you plant crops. They were not only defeated by Odin, they were humiliated, emasculated, and many were taken prisoner with no chance to see the light of day again. Many still rotted beneath him in the dungeons...

In his foul mood, this injustice suddenly hit him as an atrocity. And worse, that he had never seen it as such in the hundreds of years he had lived made him ashamed of himself. He had never seen another who shared his Jotun blood, though he remembered that it was because of them that his life had been spared. It was them, those who suffered in the dungeons, that had been kind enough to help his mother care for her dying, adopted son.

 

 

Thor supposed he was having a good time. Good enough, anyway. Each of them had brought enough mead and kvass for the entire party and there seemed to be an unspoken challenge that it all be consumed, if only for the sake of the animals that were carrying it. After days and nights of imbibing, all were thirsty for the chilled waters of the River Iving. 

They had arrived at the river's banks and were filling their empty sacks, but Thor's mind could not be torn from the scene that had occurred the last time he had visited this place, decades ago. He could not recall the exact spot where it had happened, but every section seemed to contain a bend, a thrush's song, a stone, or even an inexplicable mood that reminded him of Loki. 

He had taken his father's advice, going on a long hunting and exploratory venture, gracing the numerous villages with his presence and being given full privileges of the grounds – without Loki. They were gorged with game and mead, but Thor still felt empty. He missed his brother. His companions took it as a morose regality resulting from his coming maturity, but nothing could be further from the truth. Not a single word could be said, not an event passed, that Thor could force himself not to imagine Loki's reaction. There seemed no point in acting out without the promise of Loki's scolding insults. 

They camped by the bank that night, the gurgling water a lullaby to all but the prince. It haunted him. 

He imagined his brother at home, wrinkly in his eternal ice bath, suffering. His thoughts were delivered in Loki's haughty accent, but they were never as surprising or biting as the real thing. Just shadows. He had felt Sif's hand on his thigh that night by the fire, inviting him, but he had resisted – he loved her too much too spend a night inside of her thinking of another. And they were only half-way through this trip.

 

 

Loki pulled his fetish stone out of the drawer where he kept it hidden; he might need the extra help tonight as he passed through the barriers of his father's sorcery. He was draped in a long and tattered robe, something he and his brother had used as a set-piece or costume in many games. It used to drag along the floor behind him as he approached his brother's faux casket, but now it didn't even pass his ankles. He walked the halls of the palace unheard and unseen, bare-footed and cloaked in magic. 

At the entrance to the dungeon, he spotted the two guards playing Birisin, unable to see him unless he made a sound. He clutched the stone and called upon its powers, and when it rushed through his body, he forced himself forward, moving like a ghost, past the guards who didn't look up from their game or the supposedly impenetrable barriers.

He was inside now, witness to the horrible predicament of the many lives his father had judged uncomplimentary to his rule. There were many beings, all shapes and sizes, but they all appeared the same way – slumped in corners, listless, ignoring the meager furniture that had been provided for them. He wandered the halls until he found the unit that housed his kind.

It was dirtier than the rest. Loki guessed it was because none of these persons would ever have an opportunity to report the abuse. He continued to wander until he heard a voice calling him.

“My prince...”

Loki turned around. No one should have been able to see him, but one Jotun in a packed cell was beckoning with his hands. Loki approached with caution.

“Yes, it is you,” the aged-looking giant said with a smile. “I have dreamed for so long that I might look on your face before I met death. My prayers have been answered.”

“How is it that you know me,” Loki said, “or see me at all?”

“I am like you, my son,” the creature said, “a mage. But I can also see your Jotun heart.”

“My heart isn't bound to any one region of the stars.”

“No,” the old mage said, “no it isn't. And it was never meant to be.”

Loki approached the glass wall and sat himself down beside the Jotun on the other side. “What do you mean by saying that?”

“I mean that you were intended for great things. You are my prince. I was charged with your well-being, it was my life's great purpose. But as you can see, I can do very little in this state.” The mage said, raising his manacles.

“You've done more than enough,” Loki assured him. “I am sure you are the one that told my mother how I should be cared for.”

“Indeed,” the mage said, smiling.

“How is it that you think of my well-being as your life's great purpose? Perchance you have spent too much time in this hole. Surely -”

“- no. It was my charge. I was to follow you to Midgard, to aid your rule. It was your father's bidding.”

“My rule? In Midgard? Odin has spoken of no such thing.”

The mage smiled, “You have been kept blind, my child. You know not what or who you are. I speak of your other father, King Laufey.”

“King Laufey? That is my true father?”

“They are both your true fathers, my lord.”

“How can -”

“- The Jotun race is not made of two sexes. There is a third, that can both father and mother children. Your father, King Laufey, is of that type. You are, truly, a prince of both Asgard and Jotunheim. And you should be king of Midgard.”

As the mage smiled cynically on the other side of the barrier, Loki allowed this knowledge to take root. He didn't doubt the truth of it – he could always see a liar at work. While the information was horrifying, he couldn't allow himself to appear naïve in front of this prisoner. “Go on,” he said.

“Go on with what?” the mage asked.

“Tell me why Odin would betray his oath to my mother, why he would make love to the king of Jotunheim.”

“Well, that is quite a tale, with a very bitter ending, child.”

“I'll hear it.” Loki replied, looking deep into the eyes of the monster, so that he knew it was a command, not a request.

The mage cleared his throat. “Very well. Your father has the loyalty of a great seer, Heimdall. It is an asset that has earned him the envy of all kings. In his madness for power, he told this seer to look for all the Infinity Gems, believing himself to be the only one who could house them safely. But, the seer's power was limited, and those who possessed the gems weren't exactly leaving them out in the open. The only gem he could locate was the Ego Stone, which is useless in the absence of the other gems. Useless, quite literally, because it has no purpose other than to destroy existence as we know it...”

“I am familiar,” Loki said, gritting his teeth.

“... Odin journeyed to Jotunheim, after his family had been banished for millenia, demanding that the stone be handed over for safe-keeping in his precious vault. Laufey refused to release it, and at that, Odin threatened war. Your father, King Laufey, is not an unreasonable man, and he offered a solution; that a child should be born, of both Jotun and Aesir royal blood, and that he should guard the gem in his own domain in the land of the humans. Odin accepted the compromise, or it was believed that he did. The king of the Aesir is a liar, as we who languish in this place know too well...”

“And... ?” Loki was not willing to listen to this beast begging for sympathy.

“... a ritual was performed during their mating. It happened in private, and only the greatest sorcerers were there to perform it. I was not invited. They knew the sidr required would be enough to kill them, but the birth was all that mattered. Years later, a child was born. A beautiful son,” the mage paused to look fondly at his prince. “The attack on Midgard was executed by our people according to plan, but when Odin arrived, it was not to bring reinforcements, but to conquer his own allies. He won the love of the human populace and destroyed us. He took the battle to Jotunheim, and continued slaughtering our people. Still, it was not enough. He stole the Ego gem, the Casket of Ancient Winters, and worst of all, our beloved prince. That is all there is to tell.”

“There is no Ego gem in this palace, you fool. I have been to the vault and can assure you, that is not one of Odin's treasures.”

“No, my boy,” the mage assured, “it is here. I can feel it. In fact, I have never felt it more strongly than I do right now.”

 

 

Loki walked back to his room feeling sick to his stomach. He reached his chambers and before he opened the door, noted the light that came from the crack beneath. There was movement on the other side. He silently opened the door and saw his brother standing before him.

“Loki!”

“What are you doing back here?” As much as he had missed Thor, there was never a time in his life when he wished more to be alone.

“We've finished the Northern region, and I wanted to return home for a night before continuing in the South,” Thor replied, changing into a nightshirt. Then he said, “I believe I have exhausted my companions, and I was hoping you would accompany me for the remaining half of my scout.”

“You know that is forbidden.”

“It's not forbidden, Loki, only frowned upon by the old man,” Thor said, using a humorous tone. “And besides, he needn't know. I returned without being seen, and you can easily leave a message that you are seeking herbs and plan to camp. Maybe you could give those poor fools who provide your ice bath a rest, yes?”

There is nothing Loki would have liked more than to get away from that damnable palace.


End file.
